curiosities paste! have you ever just magically appeared in the middle of the story? you're on a horse, the sun is powerful enough to steal the moisture out of your body, you see nothing but a 360 degree line that separates the air from the land and you look down and see the sweaty parting of hair on the top of your horse's head. you lean forward to lick the sweat because you think it is water and you fall off and fall to the ground and fall asleep on an endless floor of dirt. do you ever just wish there was more? have you ever been so immune to the outside world as to blanket yourself with a new world of your own creation? and where do you separate the two when you realize you've made a mistake? HOW do you separate the two? how does one leap back into that world and actually connect with someone eye to eye? 030112 ... paste! she smiled and really asked "how are you doing today?" i said "great." pause. "thanks for asking." pause. "oh...no problem." so simple and cliche in words, but it felt very real. i smiled like i haven't in awhile. still smiling. it's like fucking american beauty. you get washed up with energy and movement when you stop and really question how you are feeling or better, when someone else does so randomly and with the same interest. it's tidal and addictive and triggers lots of skepticism but tidal and addictive and this is a monkey in observation of someone bringing bananas, a bumblebee trying to get in through a tiny hole through the old garage where there is a nest and i want to know you more and see into you and who are you why do you exist what are you feeling right now? starving for a gigantic flee towards all those little pieces that make up a you. then she handed me my food "bye." "bye." and i drove off. 030112 ... whitechocolatewalrus why did the orange bear eat me? i thought it would never end. 031128 ... oldephebe the other night i was having this marathon debate or whatever with someone and i felt totally disembodied..like i've been feeling a lot for the past 2 years..like i wasn't real and this wasn't taking place in any REAL or objective realm of what i experience as REALITY. I felt like i was at the whim of either mine or someone else's DREAM. Like I was merely constructed by someone's subconscious. It's a real disconcerting feeling..like you want to let go and you think if this is a dream why don't i just go ahead and yield to this impulse..is this MY impulse or has this figment been touched by a tendril of my slumbering consciousness? wierdness i really can't explain it. i'm feeling it even as i type these words ... 050611 ... Eo aaand yeah i just gotta say ppaaaaaaaaaassssstttte! ... 050611 what's it to you? who go blather from