ruining_dreams_for_emma ashmanzhou nice way for me-ending my day dead stone cold hard as ice finding dreams within myself inside unlikely places i tend to hide away even from myself they make me feel so dead i wish i could hate me but the me in me is something i seem not to find my dreams dark'ning burnt ruined devoid of life all ash a pyre to my damned soul waking here inside myself apart from my own life bound to hate as i am not to you you hope i care as i hope i dont god help us i am so messed up i cant believe i couldnt laugh before i never thanked you now its to late may your memory lie in place forever 030908 ... blah-ze you seem lonely, disturbed maybe. i think you should come to my blather_psycologists_office. although we have had our license revoked, i see no reason to deny you a session. hmmm... i look forward to an appointment. how about next thursday? 030908 ... ashmanzhou why ruin my solemnity with thou light hearted drivel doth thou feel some reason to injure soules who deserving not of your arrogant foolery seek to scribe their feelings here they do not deserve to be treated such leave my memorial intact here talk away you-arrogant sef involved people like you the ones at the back of the class throwing paper planes at the crying little girl down in front trapped in her own little hell making jokes about her going off and everyone ignoring the offer of her death light hearted fun all day long suprise when it all comes true and then it all hits home you dont know me you dont know her you cant feel what i feel dont try to trivialise wha i feel 030908 ... blah-ze sorry... just writing i didnt mean it i like your poetry obviously charged with emotion i have no idea what feels like i'll be more careful in futre 030908 ... ashmanzhou ill say sorry today i was angry angry at this place because i feel like i need freedom angry that i couldnt go to emmas funeral because i was in hospital and they wouldnt let me anyway angry there was nothing on the news because she deserves more than that mostly angry at myself because my life is a farce and a waste 030909 what's it to you? who go blather from