deb quietly we talk of future things,
baring muffled hearts,
yet afraid- not quite the word-
reluctant to put into words
what my heart screams.
i want to tell you,
to see that look spring to your eyes,
to feel the warmth it brings
to hear you gently say it too
-my heart waits in the pregnant pause
between "goodbye" and "click"-
waits expectantly, hoping...
but once again, you talk of puppies.
-i know what you mean,
but my heart aches just the same-
there's no harm in words, really, is there?
i just wanted to tell you that
i love you...

unhinged so many things that he left unsaid for six months, he admitted to me last night in a moment of clarity...so many things falling into place now

i told myself that i would never let myself forgive him for the scars but there is something beyond conscious choice that makes him the way he is and part of me will always be in love with that
amy eyes as wide as tomorrow
bleed salt and mascara
you just nod.
i know, i know
lois so many things left unsaid....will i ever be able to tell you? 040216
pete i've been trained to look for silences. seeing them in my own work leaves me uneasy. it deserves to be said, but the political cut of the page-limit leaves thoughts profound hidden and critiques unpreempted. they are seen, but cannot be addressed for that is all left unsaid. 061218
6sy so_many_things 091128
blown cherry unsaid but it's in the tone of his voice. I realise now there is the added complication of our status and I should not necessarily expect a warm reception, but that pissed off tone of voice with which he answers my calls when I call at an unknowingly inopportune moment have been a long constant source of pain and soul diminishment. It's not like I ever called him much when he was out on his 12-18 hour binges, or at all. Why did I have to be met with such arrogant disregard? Was there no love or joy at all in hearing my voice? I guess I have answered my own question. 091128
unhinged i_should_have_told_you

but there were so many other people there that day
i could already feel the tears in my chest
we weren't close enough anymore
for me to cry in front of you
up the steep hill
i climbed
barely the energy to walk_away
i cried at the busstop
texted you instead
words on a screen still my forte
just the screen that has changed over the years
the shaking vulnerability of my voice
then maybe you would not have left
but either way i would know you knew

i love you so much it hurts
what's it to you?
who go