unsaid deb quietly we talk of future things, baring muffled hearts, yet afraid- not quite the word- reluctant to put into words what my heart screams. i want to tell you, to see that look spring to your eyes, to feel the warmth it brings to hear you gently say it too -my heart waits in the pregnant pause between "goodbye" and "click"- waits expectantly, hoping... but once again, you talk of puppies. -i know what you mean, but my heart aches just the same- there's no harm in words, really, is there? i just wanted to tell you that i love you... 8-14-00 001001 ... unhinged so many things that he left unsaid for six months, he admitted to me last night in a moment of clarity...so many things falling into place now i told myself that i would never let myself forgive him for the scars but there is something beyond conscious choice that makes him the way he is and part of me will always be in love with that 001213 ... amy eyes as wide as tomorrow bleed salt and mascara you just nod. i know, i know 021011 ... lois so many things left unsaid....will i ever be able to tell you? 040216 ... pete i've been trained to look for silences. seeing them in my own work leaves me uneasy. it deserves to be said, but the political cut of the page-limit leaves thoughts profound hidden and critiques unpreempted. they are seen, but cannot be addressed for that is all left unsaid. 061218 ... 6sy so_many_things 091128 ... blown cherry unsaid but it's in the tone of his voice. I realise now there is the added complication of our status and I should not necessarily expect a warm reception, but that pissed off tone of voice with which he answers my calls when I call at an unknowingly inopportune moment have been a long constant source of pain and soul diminishment. It's not like I ever called him much when he was out on his 12-18 hour binges, or at all. Why did I have to be met with such arrogant disregard? Was there no love or joy at all in hearing my voice? I guess I have answered my own question. 091128 ... unhinged i_should_have_told_you but there were so many other people there that day to_say_goodbye i could already feel the tears in my chest we weren't close enough anymore for me to cry in front of you i_walked_away up the steep hill i climbed barely the energy to walk_away i cried at the busstop texted you instead words on a screen still my forte just the screen that has changed over the years things_i_should_have_said the shaking vulnerability of my voice then maybe you would not have left but either way i would know you knew i love you so much it hurts 091129 what's it to you? who go blather from