weddings_are_depressing_anyway 2 1/2 wise cracks Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds. Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet. Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog. Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation. Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used to be a proctologist. Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a drug rehab clinic. As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person. Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job. Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm. Propose a toast to the bride's nose job. Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came from. Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations. After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw your bra, throw your bra..." Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from backing out. Tell the rabbi that there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll settle for stupping the bride. Assure the bride's mother that the groom is "hung like a horse." Return a bra which the bride left in your car. If there's a hunchback at a Jewish wedding tell him that he has to wear one yarmulke on his head and another on his hump. When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp." 010208 ... sabbie from a good friend of mine's homepage: "More people are getting married. You all have to stop." .:grins:. he's so grand when he's grumpy. 010210 ... ... When the dude doing the wedding says "If anyone here believes that these two should not be wed, let him speak..." Jump up and shout "Yeah, she was my science experiment in high school! I grew her in a petre dish from a fungus... a grey one!!" Well it worked al the last wedding I attended. 010211 ... celestias shadow methinks I need to go to more weddings between people I hate.... *evil grin* 040102 ... unhinged ha unless you go to church stoned and it doesn't matter anyways cause you are crashing the wedding. i never crashed a wedding until wednesday. it was kind of strange but tyler was with me. 040103 ... celestias shadow excellent idea. I'll remember that one. Oh, one must always have a tyler with one when one plans on causing mayhem. It's in the mayhem handbook. 040112 ... i am jack crash the wedding and when the right moment hits, yell "Yeah, i fucked both of 'em...and they weren't very good...either of 'em" then, of course, runlikefuckinghell 040112 ... pipedream and these girls were supposed to be my bridesmaids....*shudder* hahahahhaaha we crash weddings here all the time; its really easy since they're huge affairs and nobody really knows who all is there, from who's side, et al. heh. 040112 what's it to you? who go blather from