reawaken
typhoid
after
a
year
365
+
days
of
sitting
steeping
thinking
of
you
on
each
and
every
one
not
talking
not
seeing
not
the
tiniest
bit
of
communication
...
i
thought
of
you
every
day
every
fucking
day
your
name
is
emblazoned
on
my
subconsciousness
the
source
of
all
good
beauty
itself
kadine
katje
...
i
am
in
terrible
pain
now
.
what
if
you
were
to
come
back
?
do
you
know
i
would
still
run
a
thousand
miles
to
be
with
you
?
this
precious
fragile
universe
i've
built
up
in
your
absence
,
that
i've
nurtured
and
tried
to
love
would
it
collapse
?
will
it
?
and
even
if
i
saw
you
again
,
would
it
end
badly
as
the
first
time
through
boredom
or
indifference
?
...
for
a
while
i
even
forgot
your
face
your
physical
reality
you
were
just
a
name
a
name
of
the
perfect
noun
,
moreso
adjective
,
verb
,
to
be
good
,
to
be
superlatively
best
and
when
i
was
reminded
in
some
passing
glance
of
your
... ...
i
nearly
died
in
ecstasy
.
...
do
you
know
that
if
in
that
year
if
i
had
seen
you
in
the
street
all
i
would
have
done
would
be
to
have
bowed
my
head
in
silent
prayer
?
...
could
i
still
abandon
my
world
for
you
?
i
have
become
weak
i
have
trained
myself
to
it
chained
myself
to
it
create
the
illusion
of
stability
...
EVERYTHING
I'VE
DONE
IN
THIS
TIME
HAS
BEEN
FOR
YOU
!
...
i
don't
even
know
who
i
am
anymore
(
did
i
ever
?)
i
don't
even
know
what
i
am
anymore
.
i
just
feel
sick
to
my
stomach
thinking
about
it
.
i
don't
think
...
i
think
this
might
be
from
some
...
i
can't
even
think
about
it
anymore
.
ill
out
of
expectation
of
good
?
how
can
i
expect
anything
?
(
you
spelled
my
name
wrong
in
your
one
sentence
)
i
would
hope
i
could
keep
your
attention
for
more
than
a
few
moments
at
a
time
now
.
i've
been
practicing
(
i
hate
to
admit
it's
just
been
for
you
).
i
feel
so
cold
and
so
hot
at
the
same
time
.
i
can't
stand
up
.
i
can't
even
think
.
please
come
back
.
001104
...
.fallen
like
a
coma
patient
slowly
coming
to
....
emerging
from
hibernation
but
with
a
low
rumbling
hunger
...
not
fierce
...
not
maddening
first
a
finger
moves
....the
lips
twitch
....slowly
coming
back
from
where
?...
the
body
is
felt
again
...
the
heaviness
...grounding .....grounding...
the
toes
wiggle
slightly
...
after
testing
each
respective
body
part
....refamiliarizing.....
a
stretch
....a
cat
like
stretch
...
and
eyes
open
...
suddenly
sitting
.....every
sense
is
finally
awake
...testing
the
air
...testing
it
all
content
to
stay
in
the
shadows
....
stay
in
the
shadows
for
now
....
content
to
watch
the
hunt
...
to
watch
the
dance
....for
now
...content
licking
lips
....sad
smiling
eyes
...
watching
....
watching
....
waiting
soon
040114
...
Death of a Rose
hmm
...
040114
what's it to you?
who
go
blather
from
