let_me_puke_my_heart_out endless desire mirrors consume self hatred blooms. and here i waste away she thought she was done with this all. no she screams to the mirror and the bowl, rotting away in her room. slowly fading. slowly fading. see the image. see the girl, she is slipping away. hold, clutch, stay. the group sways back and forth as they pray she'll never be perfect she'll never be enough and she cries. and i cry. i haven't truly cried in so long. stop. please don't cry. please let me throw up. there goes my pain into the plastic bowl. there goes my pain into the cooking pot. there goes my pain, mixed with napkins and my insides. no, please no. please no girl please no. not tonight. not anymore. please be normal. please. but what is normal?! dear god what is normal? who am to say this isn't normal? who are YOU to say this isn't normal? go girl go. or better yet. wait it out. let your insides empty. fade away. slip away. fall away. hunger. i love hunger. i love the empty feeling. fade away. slip away. fall away. no one wants you anyway. you will never be good enough. i hate you you hate you she hates you we all hate you i hate me. you hate me. she hates me. we all hate me. and i want to cry but i forgot and you won't teach me and she won't teach me. kill cut wrip die but i can't. you see, i can't. i am stopping. this isn't me. this is not me. be good girl. love yourself. please just love yourself damnit. why is it that hard?! it shouldn't be this hard. who ever told you to hate yourself? this will solve nothing. it lies. don't listen to the lies. cover your ears and scream. "lalalala" i can't hear you i can't hear you i can't hear you. you can't make me hear you. oh yes i can. you cannot escape. you hate yourself. i hate you. everyone hates you. they are lying to you. all lies. go. let your pain out. let the food out. let it go. just let go girl. let go for once in your life girl. it will make you feel so much better. so much. . .so much cleaner. yes cleaner. feel the clean. let your hatred flow out. into the bowl. flow girl flow. don't listen to. . . oh but no. this is not the way to go. this will not bring me peace. on my own. i must do this on my own. conquer the hatred. conquer the hatred. you have to reason to hate yourself, girl. no reason at all. love love love. peace, you want peace. have it. see it? have it. it is yours. no one is stopping you girl. look at your life before. . . do you want your life to be like that again? lost so lost. you are not lost anymore girl. be free. don't let this take you. it doesn't deserve that power. yes ellyn. you are free ((welcome to my mind. that was all i had to say. that is what my mind said. my fingers just typed. welcome to my mind.)) mirrors consume self hatred blooms. and here i shall not stay. 030617 ... Sparticus i love you you are more than good enough for me. sometimes i wonder if i am good enough for you . . . loves you 030617 ... sixteen and I'll wash it off my hands, throbbing and pulsating; dancing free of a heavy body. then flushed. who needs a heart anyway. It spends too much time bossing me around and being wrong all the time. 030617 what's it to you? who go blather from