unhinged one step forward
ten steps back

flowerock regression_to_agression

agression- forceful and sometimes overly assertive pursuit of one's aims and interests.

I have mistaken this new trait in mysel for motivation and confidence. In a way agression amd confidence are very similar, but as with most things in life moderation and mindfulness is necessary for it to be effective.

I am not happy with the bitchy selfish person I seem to have become. I have been overly defensive and a little full of myself, as if "I'm right so you must be wrong" were a fact not an opinion. I don't even like that opinion anyway. my former self who I respect would not like this new self. I have sunk to a lower state if consciousness, selfishness, fearful defensive agression. There is a balance between motivation, effort, and comsideration and kindness. focus, pay attention to the whole situation and population. as unhinged pointed out, the rest of the population doesn't deserve to be polites with my toxic emotional state. I want to grow again and help at least direct others in a direction that will help them grow too. I am capable of being more thoughtful, mindful, kind, considerate... I could walk away and ask for help from someone who is more experienced in dealing with conflict in a polite manner and observe them (I have access to such people here) or even just let time do it's thing.

I will put for effort into rebuilding and strengthening the onnection between my heart and my mind, I will think before reacting and before acting... how will this make these people around me feel? what will it tell them? how will I feel about it later?

my situation in life right now is a delicate one, it won't take much to throw it off balance and become very difficult. We ve been robbed, scammed, threatened... I need to focus on strengthening that more than defending my opinions and "territory"

in short i have been a bitch too often lately, and I m getting it all over everyone else in realife and probably sometimes here in the way of negative words and overly strong opinions, acting like Opinions are facts. sorry world, real, blue and red and anywhere inbetween.

today_I_begin_my_journey or my learning

flowerock poluted not polites... maybe I m trying to replace negative with positive, or phone key boards are just difficult for me to type on... 140813
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