i'm_such_a_loner Spool Dave left for some frat party but I'm not rushing so I figured it'd be a waste. So I stuck around...and around. Making people laugh doesn't make you a friend. I should have just accepted my situation and left. 070909 ... unhinged hoping you'd call like you said you would knowing you wouldn't 070909 ... pSyche I see you in the crowd- in, that is- not part of the crowd. You know you aren't part of it. But you're there anyways. You know you shouldn't be. You know you have a bed where you belong at this time of the night. I see you sipping from your cup, like a child, cautious and peering from such large eyes. I see the longing glimmer as a forgotten gem, falling into the depths of your eyes. I wonder how it is that you worry so much about people thinking poorly of you, how you are so worried about what they think that you don't give them the opportunity to think about you at all. You said you were shy. I said you were merely a coward. You are silent. You are faded, like wallpaper, outdated, and insignificant. You are heated and reserved coffee, six hours old, served to an elderly man in a diner. You are a cheery smile, and no tip. You are searching for meaning in so many things, but you will not find it. It is not in your minimum wage job, it is not in your apartment, or your bed, it is not in these people, or your red plastic cup. And you wonder why. You don't even give them the chance. Meaning is not a thing you can find and hold onto, like a poem you learn and recite. You think this is their fault. You think they judge you, but it is your own condemnation. But who am I? I watch from the sidelines. You watch from within. We're not much different, you and I. 070909 ... megan it's the truth god, it's always been the truth 080306 ... unhinged i think most of us around here are 080307 ... tubeway army birdmad are_'friends'_electric 080307 ... minnesota_chris I'm such an outsider. I'm outside even the outsider groups. I always do poorly in the popularity contests/subjective tests, where it's not so much whether you're right, so much as whether people like you. For a while this made me doubt the existence of God. Because if I was going to fail at every personal interaction, why hold down a job, why be decent to people, why have any relationships outside of fucking? And if there's no point being godly, why would God exist at all? Except, I'm pretty good at finding the outsiders, the ones heading for the cliff, and making their life easier. And hanging out with the other weirdoes can lead to some wonderful moments. 080508 what's it to you? who go blather from