i_lost_my_pig_to_a_skateboard
x last night as i was driving i imagined liquid metal lining the inside of my body just under my skin. i imagined my heart encased in steel. i tried to feel it. i tried to feel not feeling. after i dropped him off i chanted to myself "cold, cold, cold, cold..." but i could feel tears coming. so angry at myself, i tried so hard to stop. but it was useless. at home i drank myself to loss of inhibition, and met another person who got the impression that i am great and interesting. i don't bother trying to draw these people in any more. i know that it would just end the same as always. i hate myself right now. 031028
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that krack_kat over there for whatever it's worth, some people still think you are great and interesting, you know. 031028
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notme i dunno U really but i think you're rad 031028
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x it's that same damn thing. you don't try, so you never gain. you try and you gain sometimes but mostly you get crushed. i'm so tired. 031226
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somebody rest 031226
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oldephebe maybe if we can get in touch with our true selves and wed that to our reality..perhaps a measure of peace or at least sure footing can be found.. 040113
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oldephebe for some reason i want to say that on occassion i like really lean pork chops baked and then entombed in a prohibitively sweet pinneapple and butter glaze..i've only had it a few times in my life..but thas good eatin' 040113
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oldephebe i also want to say to x - you are competant, able..you hold within you the faculties, the abilities to fulfill your needs and find happiness..i really believe that..if we just moniter the truth that we are telling to ourselves..you are a glorious being shaped out of Light..i believe that as well..don't be tricked or conditioned into subordinating yourself to some authority figure (or vessel into wich you want to pour all of your hopes)deceptions and manipulations. 040113
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x i want to charge full speed into the ocean and never come back 040309
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notme i tried that once, sorta 040310
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kittie kate but i feel like i just love him so much
i know it's everything i fight against but you know he's a marine

i feel spacey and like my nerve endings are on fire, that must mean something

it doesn't happen everyday, true love can exist...oh, maybe not
040311
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x what in god's name are you talking about? shut up about it or i'll tell god on you. 040311
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