little wonder he has this theory, you see. that everyone has a certain level of genetic happiness. it makes up about, oh, i don't know, over half of your happiness. the other bit you have control over. the remaining happiness points are in your control.

then he told me that he's noticed a trend. i am unhappy in every job i have. i think to myself...well, i was happy as a darkroom assistant. i am happy when i work at horse barns. these do not pay the bills, however. for the time being, then, i must work jobs i am not particularly happy with.

even with this job, he says, it has happened. you were so excited at loved it. you had a new challenge and you were learning. and then in the time period of 2-6 months you are bored and you hate your coworkers.

i wouldn't hate them so much if they weren't ignorant assholes, i say. and i'm only bored because there isn't enough to keep me busy and i sit at a computer most of the day. i still like this job, the excitement has just worn off. i argue that i don't want to work alone, i enjoy the minimal amounts of social interaction. with most of my friends a long drive away, any little social time i get is better than nothing.

but he does have a point. there is a pattern. it doesn't take me long anymore to absolutely loathe what i have to do every day. it doesn't take me long to become bored. unless i am constantly kept on my toes i get lazy. my patience wears thin with the people around me unless they have by chance found their way into my good graces.

so, i repeat myself. my life has become a series of predictable patterns. yet here i sit, wishing i had the ability to be spontaneous again. wishing i wasn't so restricted. wishing i didn't have to plan my day out by the hour in order to fit it all in and still not even come close.

my work will never be my life because i like my life too much. but somehow i have to find work that allows me to live my life, giving me both time and money. and a certain amount of happiness. job happiness.

things were much simpler when i wasn't expected to grow_up.
Lemon_Soda Hmpf. Didn't much care for it myself. 080209
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