unhinged the look a five year old gets on their face when they accomplish something difficult is priceless 071205
amy on a who should care assignment Dear ______,

Do you ever grow tired of each new year being a new lesson thrown at you, some novel temptation to either stay you or goad you into further ones, and the change of the seasons distracting you from the abuse?

I find that most of my lessons are the same ones that I've had for years and years and years, perhaps its the angle or the specific temptation or intensity that changes. Sure, there seemed to be new things for awhile there, but I bet you if I was paying attention when I was 5 or 8 or whatever those same themes were playing themselves out, just like they did when I was 28. How boring, hmmm? I guess I must bore myself.

Psychological development aside (I do seem to become more mature, but think that it's partially a farce caused by confused and disappointed exhaustion), I, like everybody, hope you're doing well, and try not to let silly, sad, lonely, "drunken", unknown moi be much of a distraction, let alone a "lesson". The charts are more fantabulous than that, don't you think? I'm glad you don't think that synchronicity is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I start to believe (worry?) that synchronicities are counterbalance to people's worries, and honestly, why worry? I'm as guilty as anybody as a worrier (generally speaking), but why why worry? The needle in the stitchery, the the cycle of destruction, woe, care, and well-wishing. But am I worried? Not really.

Sometimes I wish that friends or family cared a little more about how I'm doing, like a Get Well Soon card would have been nice for awhile there, and I got the message loud and clear that some were worried, some cared, some just plain had an opinion. But should they worry? No, not really. Should they care? If they are friends or family, they probably should. Does it make a difference? Yes, unfortunately. So now I've switched from worry to care. Do I care about those other people? yes. Do I send Christmas cards? no. Do I worry? not at all. Do I worry about you? nope. Do I even have an opinion? weirdly enough, not really, it seems dumb to even start the conjecture, and after this amount of exposure, still no opinion. I'm kind of proud of that, no real worry and no opinion. What a ramble. Does it matter to me? Yes. Will it get you through the winter? I wouldn't know, don't care to know, and would still wish you a warm winter, regardless of what means the universe conspires you to use (or however you go about it)

Well then, yeah, rasta ya gotcha, happy women's equality day, or whatever.
Altar Nate we remember our lessons, yet forget all the learning. sometimes i think this is good. sometimes i think this is bad. i go back and forth. 080829
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