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house_of_sorrow
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oldephebe
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i've been writing, here in blather about the tumult of my ravaged heart
but i'm the one who broke it apart by investing in dead things, in dead light
this does not diminish that daughter of heavens, of zions god given beauty nor the light of her human soul
but i attributed something divine to it
i built my own house of sorrow
and i infected myself over and over again by stabbing myself with the same thought
i am the cricket that wore its wings raw by bowing the same ragged song, i broke my leg upon that plaintive, tortuous note
why water a dead root with the springs of sorrow?
why thrust your despair and expectations in the face of the world
or especially in the face of another
that owes you NOTHING
but christian sisterly charity, and even THAT is only a blessing and ultimately given as a gift from God and not something to be hoped for or attained by ones own efforts
we can't live by anothers looks
for the head turns
the eyes close or simply catch something else, another song, another color another light another created thing strays into its path
into the eyes avenue
or the heart sees something in you that it missed
something ignoble
something not misted over by the
bliss of infactuation
some fault or fissure in my character yawn open in that light
why parade my self imposed suffering upon someone else
why expect anything
why should i want anything
when i have the choice
to not needlessly
wound myself with want
to instead choose
to live in His Light
to see Him
and then begin to worship Him out of that perfected Vision
a vision
a body
a spirit
a wound
perfected through suffering
through partaking of
the Passion of Christ
i accept my three swords of suffering
of sorrow
let them be plunged deep into my kneck
up to the hilt to breed a heart of divine surrender and compassion and sense of blessing
and let it slowly
Glory to God!
help ME to be able to touch and others suffering to WANT to alleviate it somehow by just a humble and divine and unconscious act of servitutde unto the spirit, unto humanity, and to accept my humanity w/o running from it or cringing excessively and help me to accept the humanity of my brethren and sisters and let it be an avenue to part the wound in my flesh in my spirt, to open the eye and let a revelation of christ be shown honestly and openly and humbly unto to them
glowing bright with His love
for in stillness
in the burning shadow of calvary is this
knowledge is this blessing
imparted
servitude unto the spirit
to be with Him in bliss
even in the body of my suffering
so take the sword of my suffering
and plunge it deep
three swords
three wounds
three gifts
three fountains to feed from
three divine inspirations
to reach out to my fellow man
to order my thoughts and my steps
to be kinder
to be less judgemental
to see only what Christ sees
to see everyone perfected
in and by His Love
to Live in That Holy Light
to be in the body and yet in the bliss of Heaven
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060113
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what's it to you?
who
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blather
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