christmas_songs jane my "family" is all in the other room playing christmas songs i didn't mean to put that in quotes my mom's playing the piano, my brother's playing the guitar my stepdad is probably sitting there like the dolt he is, or he's in the other room watching tv, feeling like he doesn't belong to this "family" thing just because he married some woman who already had kids i read something you wrote something about tradition how it marked time when you were younger, about maybe being able to make it to the fun part of the year and within what you wrote there was something that made me stop thinking about myself and my own stupid problems it was the whole damn thing, really what you wrote put everything you've said to me in perspective, like at the end of a movie and you finally get what you've been watching for the past two hours. it put the pieces into place, pieces of you that would come out randomly, or pieces i caught when i was talking to you on the phone late at night and i was falling asleep but knowing that what you were saying was important and trying to hold onto it just for you i understand now. things i didn't understand before. i'm sorry. i don't know what i'm sorry about...maybe i could have paid more attention even though i didn't realize the magnitude of what you were trying to say to me. i'm sorry you've been through so much pain, and i wish there was something i could do to make it disappear for you. we're both people-pleasers, i'm hoping you'll let it be my turn this time, instead of arguing over who gets to do the pleasing. casey said she hates christmas songs. they're just bad, she said. bad music. i mean, listen to it: jing-le bells. jing-le bells. the first six notes are all the same. i can understand where she's coming from but i think that maybe the point of them being so bad is that you have to have that much more christmas spirit to sing them and enjoy them. what i really want to say is thank you. thank you for sharing that part of yourself with me, even if it was indirect. thank you for listening to me and understanding me more in a month than anyone ever did in eight months. i'm sorry that me worrying isn't enough for you to stop "losing your body heat." and yes, i do worry. i just wanted you to know that 021215 ... . . 021225 ... no reason i'm not really that fond of them. but i really like carol of the bells when it's sung in three parts. 021225 ... dafremen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTJwMbcpTvI 221211 what's it to you? who go blather from