standing_sabotage unhinged all six and a half feet of it; the awkward angle he had to bend over to talk in my ear at the modeski martin and wood show the awkward angle i watched him bend over to get her number at the dumbfuck bar we are both juvenile at expressing our feelings; there are stunning moments of honesty but usually it's all big talk and bitchy backstabbing to see who will crack first. we both want to say 'i thought we weren't dating' first. 070319 ... . oh come on ! 070319 ... . oh come on ! 070319 ... unhinged come on what? come on where? the double posting is getting old. i try not to be a blather_bitch, but seriously. you only need to contribute once. i have tried to rid myself of my feelings for him. strip things down to a platonic level. but the way he has said things; i'm still not so good with this attachment thing. i misconstrue things between me and him; i know i do. because we are exact opposites. i value forthrightness (even though in this situation i have been less than forthright) and he values mystery. it takes him a long time to trust people, i trust people immediately. he thinks i'm crazy and rash, i think he's crazy and cold. and i do remind myself frequently that 'that's just the way he is.' but, somethings cannot be justified that way. sorry_but if he claims to be so empathetic....i know he's always amassing people for his productions *rollseyes* i am crazy, i never said i wasn't. and for the past couple months i've been crazy for him. but he has made it abundantly clear from almost the beginning that he 'wants to be single' at least when it comes to me. so when he bent over and said to me 'i don't want to lose you' (sic) yeah well, we both play games. that's all i'll say for now. 070320 ... unhinged going going gone bend over so i can kick you in the teeth for old times sake 070405 ... unhinged (i was too angry to see that both of us were afraid of being vulnerable, that maybe i actually was different for him. that maybe being honest with me was just as hard for him. i was the first person he told when he got engaged because his girlfriend's visa expired. that stabbed more than a few sorespot s but his texts can't confuse me the way talking to him face to face used to but the reality was it took both of us to dance our passive_aggressive fucked up tango. fact of the matter is, if i needed him, he is still there. the older i get, the more precious THAT is. something my younger self knew was important but thought there would be an inexhaustible supply of; good loyal friends. le_sigh ) 180817 what's it to you? who go blather from