drowning_in_nostalgia auburn I'm torturing myself with reflections of once meaningful words. I'm aching for you. I don't know how, or why, or when... but I loved .Love. you so much. 080423 ... auburn Again. It's always the same feeling. A catch in my throat, and pull inward. And my head swirls inside to the innermost places where only your fingerprints are left to fade. I'm dizzy with thoughts of you. 080715 ... unhinged all of blather the sea of my past i swim in when i'm lonely 080715 ... p you swim in do you? i'm going down the lane to see a womanizer. i can't be doing with waiting around anymore. 080715 ... unhinged well, i'm not a very good swimmer doggie_paddle at best 080715 ... p oh! do you want me to teach you? 080715 ... unhinged i'm afraid of the water ever_since i got caught in the undertow 080715 ... honey_angel_dream_boy Since childhood, drowning has always been my deepest stated fear. The inevitability of the moment, desperately delayed, when I'll lack the strength to keep fighting the current. The solitude of knowing it's far too late to call for help. I know I would give up. Deeper still, my actual and ongoing fear, was that I've already opened up and let the crazy out, I just don't remember. That everyone will know I've been faking what little sanity and stability I project. My biggest fear is stumbling across a trauma_dump and learning I've already let it all slip, the secrets I was supposed to keep buried from everyone, even myself. Keep holding your breath. Never let it out. And don't look back too hard. 230827 ... dafremen Whenever someone would try to blackmail me into doing something, I'd simply out with whatever secret it was that they had on me. Not sure why it's so important to wait until someone else is involved to purge ourselves of the garbage that nags at us. Fear is a powerful persuader, that's why our system is built on a foundation of it. There's never been a better time to let go of old, harmful habits. It's pretty crucial right now. 230828 what's it to you? who go blather from