staying_away Mahayana ::i shouldnt need like this:: 020424 ... hey now! why not? 020424 ... hey now! "i shouldnt need like this" how do you need? what do you need? who do you need? what is so wrong with needing anyway? "i shouldnt need like this" but i do and i need you 020424 ... Mahayana cuz i cant do anything but ::want:: where the fuck has my ability to persevere to continue on to strive gone i need her persevere i really need her now persevere yet i cant find her anywhere it is as if my soul has commanded the body ... lay down no pain dont move no hurt give up no words - no talk youve lost & bodys believe- they always do they always do i shouldnt need like this it is not right to have a million things to do yet you sit and stare things to do yet you sit and drink things to do yet you sit and cry things to do yet you sit and dream things to do yet you sit and remember things to do yet you sit and not try things to do yet you sit and sit things to do yet you sit and smoke things to do yet you sit and stare it is not right to have a million i shouldnt need like this it is not right to have a million things to do yet have no energy 2 fucking move it is not right to have a million things to do yet no tangible motivation no energy 2 fucking move blathering has become my SI no energy 2 fucking move it is the only thing that allows me 2 feel anymore besides love, & love is so far away, a distant touch, embrace, smile :: i dont even remember how it looks when you smile at me, its all fading :: & i dont even have the energy to reach for abandoning shadows anymore ophelia i understand the inclinations all too well ophelia i understand ::to just lay down and watch the world fade as i perish off in nature ... from nature to nature returning watching the world fade down just to lay:: ophelia ohfeelalot ophelia ohfeelalot ophelia ohfeelalot 020424 ... sarah i dont want to continue this here. talk to me. 020424 ... Mahayana with such intensity love, safety, sense of belonging need 2 get myself back need 2 be with u nothing is wrong with "needing" however, when this is all you can do this becomes rather problematic nothing is wrong with "needing" but these are not possibilities - 4 now & im stuck in this rut & the wheels keep on spinning & further & further down i go the softest mud can no longer sustain the hardest soil can no longer endure the weight of my heart the weight of: where ive been what ive seen who i am it has taken years to deconstruct me, 2 break my spirit, 2 tarnish my will, & im expected to gather it all up in less than a months time :i cant i just fucking cant: & im stuck in this rut :cant breath: & the wheels keep on spinning & further & further down i go :slipping: with such intensity 020424 ... Mahayana for i merely aspire to be affectionate towards you medusas gloominess cast upon hallucinations and now i can not be in motion nothing progresses me in any reminiscence of you & you are not here & i am not there & i only want to be near you for i_have_nothing and i want nothing when you are not here & i am not there :i_have_nothing: for i only desire to be close to you medusas shade cast upon my vision and now i can not move nothing moves me like you & you are not here & i am not there & i only want to be near you for i_have_nothing and i want nothing when you are not here & i am not there :i_have_nothing: 020425 ... Mahayana :what i truly meant was: i_need_to_take_some_time_away 020425 ... eddie strangely i feel a lot like that mayhana 020811 ... sab for i am too frightened to come any closer 031102 what's it to you? who go blather from