i_can't jennifer it seems to me that when I hit a low spot in my life that I can turn to the page to vent my feelings but lately I can't I pick up the pen and nothing comes out just blank like me 000316 ... andie written 12-8-00 so many times when even the stars are asleep, i wake up to the sight of his back. and i long to feel it, touch it, kiss it, to feel the silky smooth i've come to love. but all too often... i can't. our past few weeks have been filled with so many words spoken in anger. and looks that lack the need for speech. regret tumbles in when my reply to him stings us both. i need to tell him i'm sorry... but i can't find the words. when my fears are almost seen as reality, i almost see it through, no energy to stop him. no one to blame but myself, although i know i will always feel him, want him, need him. i need a way to keep him from leaving... but i can't make him stay. our future right now is uncertain. i've no idea what we are headed for or even where the hell we're coming from-stumbling over obstacles unseen and unheard of. i need to take his hand to steady me... but i can't reach it. so many times, when even the moon has gone to bed, i wake up and all i see is the moonlight on his back. and i ache to turn him, tap him, wake him, to bring him into my world. but after such a promise is broken... i can't. copyright 2001 010130 ... chanaka stop 010131 ... phil I can't ever stop thinking, or breathing, or feeling that pain in my back. My knee never stops aching, never comfortable, always something left to me. I never feel clean. There is always a sore. I can't escape this pain, not the way I want 020307 ... . i can't live well 021217 ... sting stand losing 021218 ... Syrope and i don't know why 021219 ... mon because i can't let you in because i can't feed you because you are wild and love is a wilderness because i_cannot tame you 030828 what's it to you? who go blather from