intense_sad_song kingsuperspecial spent the weekend with a girl I used to date a couple of years ago, we were together during the most intense and prolonged alcoholic bender of my entire life. Our relationship lasted only four months, and was a strange spinning of kindness and isolation, after which I pushed her away because I felt at the time I was incapable of sustaining love for another human being. Unfortunately, I had already shown her a side of me people rarely see, a side where my guard is down and I deeply care for someone. For some reason that tiny bit of light was enough for her, and in that time she fell hopelessly in love with my wretched, depraved ass. After the breakup she was a wreck, and moved away from SF. We did not speak for about 18 months, but have recently become close again. During my visit with her this weekend she played me a song she wrote about me. She is a very talented singer and song writer, with a haunting deep powerful voice that should have PJ Harvey and Fiona Apple shaking in their boots. Anyway, the experience was chilling, because here was this brutal, intense sad song about me breaking her heart. I knew what she referred to in every word, saw my actions replayed in slow motion and felt the aguish she experienced in the aftermath. It was a really defining experience, and I wasn't sure how to feel afterward. To inspire that intensity of feeling in someone, yet to have that intensity turn to such a painful thing. I’m learning to understand and change myself, but I know my soul is far from being free of it’s demons. It was so strange to have that blackness reflected back with such clarity, to see the ghosts of my past so close on my heels and so tactile in their realness. I’m not sure if I should get the walls out and protect the world from the danger, or push through so I can allow another to feel the love that inspired such an intense reaction. So strange to suddenly face yourself, and feel the earth spinning beneath your feet. 010812 what's it to you? who go blather from