in_clothes tender square in 2014, sheila heti, heidi julavits, and leanne shapton collaborated on a book called “women in clothes” where they surveyed a bunch of women in their social circles about what clothing meant to them. it’s a fascinating collection of photographs and stories from hundreds of contributors about how they define their style and selfhood through clothes. a few months ago, i found the original survey for the book, and attempted to answer several of the questions them myself as a writing prompt but i didn’t get all the way through (there’s like 100 of them). i’ve collected some of my favorites here to see if it may interest any other ’skites because they are difficult and fascinating! 23. do you think you have taste or style? which one is more important? what do these words mean to you? 27. can you recall some times when you have dressed a particular way to calm yourself or gain a sense of control over a situation that scared you? 33. what is really beautiful, for you, in general? 43. do you remember a time in your life when you dressed quite differently from how you do now? can you describe it and what it was all about for you? 66. tell us about something in your closet that you keep but never wear. what is it, why don’t you wear it, and why do you keep it? 68. is there an item of clothing that you once owned, but no longer own, and still think about or wish you had back? what was it, what happened to it, and why do you want it back? 69. if you had to throw out all your clothes but keep one thing, what would you keep? 70. building up your wardrobe from nothing, what would you do differently this time? 79. how does how you dress play into your ambitions for yourself? original survey: https://www.womeninclothes.com/survey/view-by-question/ 210927 ... raze i like this! there's a whole lot to unpack here. gonna come back to it a little later today when i've got the necessary brainpower. 210927 ... kerry i really enjoyed that book too. i'll tackle number 27: i haven't given a reading or done any kind of public speaking in a long time but the last time i did, my professor's advice was to wear my "power outfit," clothes that make me feel unconquerable. i showed up in: a black blazer skinny black pants black leather ankle boots with a low heel and a little zipper some kind of slinky button-down dainty gold snake ring 210927 ... raze [do you think you have taste or style? which one is more important? what do these words mean to you?] "taste" and "style" (at least to me) have always implied being hip to current fashion trends and whatever people consider cool at the moment. i've never really kept up with that sort of thing. but if having your own visual identity — something you've invented for yourself — counts as having style, i think maybe i have that a little bit. my taste probably trends toward the humbler end of the spectrum, but i'm good with that. i think owning some clothes from old navy is about as close as i've ever come to being hip. [can you recall some times when you have dressed a particular way to calm yourself or gain a sense of control over a situation that scared you?] i'm lumping this in with the question about dressing a different way earlier in life and what that was all about, because those two things dovetailed for me. i spent a good chunk of my adolescence dressing like a junior stockbroker. when i was twelve, my dad bought me a sport jacket and showed me how i could wear it with jeans and a t-shirt if i wanted to. i liked the way it looked so much, we ended up buying all kinds of different suits and shirts and dress pants and ties so i would have a whole wardrobe of dressy clothes. i was living with my mother and stepfather at the time. dressing up became the one thing they couldn't control about my life. it drove them nuts. it's insane if you really think about it. who gets upset because their son cares about personal hygiene and wants to look nice? but that's what happened. i remember my stepfather screaming, "you can pay for your own fucking dry cleaning!" the joke was on him. my dad was already the one paying to have my clothes dry cleaned. it made me feel good to look nice, and to have other people compliment me on the way i dressed. and there wasn't much to feel good about back then. so it became this tiny bit of self-worth i was able to generate and carry around with me like a tiny torch that spat out just enough light to let me know it was there. i stopped dressing up on a regular basis pretty early in high_school (see "faggot" for one of the reasons why). by then i was living with my dad. i might as well have been living on another planet. [what is really beautiful, for you, in general?] what happens when honesty and creative expression meet. [tell us about something in your closet that you keep but never wear. what is it, why don't you wear it, and why do you keep it?] i have a dark blue long-sleeved t-shirt my stepfather's mother gave me as a christmas or birthday gift when i was about fourteen. it's the only thing i can ever remember her giving me for any reason, aside from the useful information that conceit was a sin (something she felt moved to share whenever she caught me looking at my reflection in a mirror or a car window). it says "request n.y.c." on the front in white letters. no idea what that's about. that shirt became almost a second skin for me. it fit me when i was an underweight teenager. it still fit me when i weighed almost three hundred pounds and looked like a werewolf gone to seed. it almost seemed to adapt to accommodate my body. in the cold weather it felt like wearing a thin blanket with sleeves. in the warm weather i would roll up the sleeves and wear it anyway. it was already getting ragged ten years ago. at this point the sleeves are so shredded, it's almost impossible to get my arms through them without getting jammed up in the wreckage. i'm not sure i could even wear it as a "being lazy around the house on a sunday" shirt if i wanted to, but i keep it because it's magic and there are a lot of memories attached to it. [is there an item of clothing that you once owned, but no longer own, and still think about or wish you had back? what was it, what happened to it, and why do you want it back?] i had a blue blazer when i was thirteen. i wore it to my grade eight graduation. i probably wore it at least every third day of my life for a solid year. i could dress it up with a tie, or i could dress it down and wear it with jeans and a green or red henley shirt underneath, and it worked either way. it was one of the most versatile pieces of clothing i've ever owned. i don't know what the material was, but i loved how soft and smooth it felt. it must have been gifted to goodwill when i outgrew it. if i still had it today, there's no way i would be able to get into it. my shoulders are way too broad. but i've never seen another jacket like it anywhere. i hope someday i can find something similar, because i loved that thing. [if you had to throw out all your clothes but keep one thing, what would you keep?] silly answer: a single pair of underwear. to hide my shame. serious answer: a rust-coloured microfibre sport jacket i got when i was fourteen or fifteen that still somehow fits me like a glove. [building up your wardrobe from nothing, what would you do differently this time?] i had to do this, kind of, when i lost a bunch of weight. i think the main shift in attitude i experienced was deciding i didn't care so much about the way something looked. i was more interested in how i felt wearing it, and how comfortable it was. i do like having a lot of different colour options, though. so if i had to start from scratch all over again, my priority would probably be versatility. [how does how you dress play into your ambitions for yourself?] i think it's more a reflection of being more comfortable with who i am. it took me until last summer to be okay with the idea of wearing shorts for the first time in my life. these days i don't dress up often. i just like to wear things i feel good walking around in (though getting all gussied up in a three-piece suit once in a while is still a whole lotta fun). 210927 ... tender square [do you think you have taste or style? which one is more important? what do these words mean to you?] taste has always connoted money to me, expensive designer pieces that one invests in to wear for a long time. on the one hand, style seems frivolous like a passing fad, but on the other it encapsulates personality. taste seems timeless and stiff whereas style feels as though it can evolve and be fun. given my penchant for second-hand clothes and deals, i think i trend more towards style. which is not to say my style is without substance; if anything, i’ve spent a lot of time over the years finding what works for me and thinking about how i want to feel in my clothes. i like mixed prints and bold colors, i like to make a statement with what i wear. i like looking put-together but not overdone. the greatest compliment i ever received, in the pre-covid era, was when someone told they weren’t surprised that i was a creative person because they thought i dressed like one (whatever that means). [can you recall some times when you have dressed a particular way to calm yourself or gain a sense of control over a situation that scared you?] i dressed professionally for my entire grad school experience. i hardly, if ever, wore jeans. i sported my all my different styles of old navy pixie pants with button down blouses, sweater vests, ties, and blazers. somehow, i cobbled together matching pants and blazers from different sources to create makeshift suits and i wore those with band tees on campus. i never used a backpack, i had a couple leather tote handbags i bought to put my school stuff around in. michael could not relate to this at all; he dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt for every graduate class he took, only dressing up for his defense. even when covid hit, i still got ready for my virtual classes and for teaching this way. dressing in this manner me feel confident when i had a lot of self-doubt about whether i deserved to be in my program, or whether i was a good enough undergraduate instructor; i felt like i was putting on armor to go to battle every day. [what is really beautiful, for you, in general?] i picture the middle of a venn diagram where vulnerability, emotional availability and creativity meet. [do you remember a time in your life when you dressed quite differently from how you do now? can you describe it and what it was all about for you?] in my teens and twenties i could be a wacky dresser. i think much of this stemmed from buying clothes second-hand because i couldn’t stand the mall, so it was difficult to find pieces that would mix and match well with other pieces. there was a period of time in my mid-twenties where i rocked a lot of high-waisted knee-length skirts because i convinced myself i couldn’t find pants that suited me, whereas now i prefer pants to skirts. when i compare my style back then to where it is now there is a strong connection to the boldness of it, i just think i’ve learned to channel it better with age. [tell us about something in your closet that you keep but never wear. what is it, why don’t you wear it, and why do you keep it?] i have this beautiful tea-colored crochet floral dress that was my grandmother’s. it has a scoop neck, empire waist, cap sleeves and it hits the knee. i’ve only worn the dress once and the reaction it elicited from people told me it was much too precious for regular wear, and so i’ve kept it in my closet for a special occasion. however, it has remained unworn all these years, as though no event has ever been special enough to warrant it. for some reason, i always thought i’d get married in that dress and yet i never did. i keep holding on to it because i’ve gotten rid of other clothes that were my grandmother’s that i later regretted (see next question), so even if it’s never worn again, i will hold onto it still. [is there an item of clothing that you once owned, but no longer own, and still think about or wish you had back? what was it, what happened to it, and why do you want it back?] i had this 70’s cream wool cardigan with bell sleeves that i got from my grandmother. it had vertical thick black stripes and thin red stripes. i think i got rid of it because i couldn’t wash it without worrying i’d shrink it and the smell of me and my grandmother started to permeate the fabric. i must think about that damn sweater at least once a month and it’s been like 12 years. i have tried looking for something similar all this time and have never found anything that’s come close. [if you had to throw out all your clothes but keep one thing, what would you keep?] to borrow from j, silly answer: one article of clothing is not enough to cover up a lady, so i’m going to say i would want a balaclava so i could put it on over my head and run around like a naked bandit. serious answer: i have this champion duofold warm control coat i got online from burlington coat factory six or seven years ago that has been indispensable. it’s light grey, which makes it go with anything and everything, it hits me at the knee, it has a built-in hood, and it has a dual zipper so i can keep the jacket closed but create vents if i feel too warm. the pockets are deep but also zip if i want a more streamlined look. there are also deep interior pockets that i can use for my phone or keys, that way i don’t have to keep my hands bunched in with a bunch of stuff when they get cold (which they always do). the coat is thin but it is *warm.* it’s made of some sort of performance material that locks in heat—i can wear this coat when temps are in the 30s. this bad boy also repels moisture; it’s made for walking in the rain, snow, or sleet. it’s the perfect coat for travel because it doesn’t take up much space. michael and i have flown down south several times in winter and i wear this jacket when we leave from dtw because it’s less bulky than my winter parka, but keeps me warm enough to feel comfortable with temperatures in texas. when i bought it, i had no idea how much i would grow to love it. [building up your wardrobe from nothing, what would you do differently this time?] i think i already did this when i got sober seven years ago. over the past four years or so i’ve amassed a wardrobe i’m really satisfied with. i like a lot of variety when i dress, i like to have variations on the same outfit, so when i find an article of clothing i love i buy it in multiple colors or prints if i think it will be used (thredup has been amazing for this, i have gotten brand-new items for a fraction of the original price). with covid, i’ve not been using my wardrobe as much as i’d like to, but i’m gradually building it back into my life. i’ve gotten it the habit the past couple of weeks of putting on an outfit to write because i believe i’m giving my creativity the respect i think it deserves. [how does how you dress play into your ambitions for yourself?] i have some really great outfits that i envisioned myself using for poetry readings but i feel like my priorities have shifted and i’m less concerned with being seen as a writer in the community than i used to be. maybe it’s hard for me to answer this question because i’m not quite sure what my ambitions are now that i’ve graduated? i have always been an ambitious person, but lately i’ve been wondering if a lot of that has stemmed from wanting external validation for my work ethic and i feel like i’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t really matter for me anymore. the goals i have are not really tied to external targets now. maybe a better answer would be that i want my clothing choices to reflect an inner authenticity? 210928 ... tender square last night’s dream: i’m in a bookstore and i see a list of upcoming readers. my name is listed among them, but the event was not to be (it may be why i was at the bookstore in the first place); many of the other readers did not show up, and/or there wasn’t enough interest, which is why it was cancelled by the organizers. i notice a series of small white boxes with latches along a shelf near the advertisement and i pick one up and open it. inside is a slip of paper that has the "writer" bio that i use for literary journals. i take the sheet intending to keep it, then think better of it, return it back to the box, close the lid, put the box on the shelf, and walk away. i feel like this portion of my dream was connected to what i wrote here yesterday about my sense of ambition changing, that is has less of an external locus than what it used to. 210929 what's it to you? who go blather from