bad_transits re_alisma not_about_bad_transit_systems but a bad_time's_up_signal. still, it didn't turn out terrible, actually it was surprisingly theoretical. well, it'll still probably bite me in the ass someday. i may do my homework and try to keep ethical mores under close watch and not get in car accidents etc., but, truly, i'm not golden. glittery, sometimes, but, trust me, that's not gold. the truth is i'm rather ruthlessly in pursuit of far-off goals and i have to learn not to bend the rules to get to them. walking, walking on the ground, probably ameliorated the impact of the predictably_bad_transits. i am definitely grateful for that kind of feedback. so. will i have love in this lifetime? on ten levels, probably not, as i've come too far in some weird direction with the sickness. but on 2 or 3 levels it'll probably turn out to be something worth a catch of the breath. and also, those 2 or 3 levels could be biggies, in a grounded sense of things, so i guess i'm not as worried as i could be. but my i's won't be dotted and my t's won't be crossed. of that, i'm 98% certain. i'm not a proponent of the theory of the earth_school_self_help_section, so i guess i'm somewhat okay with making_a_mess_of_things. however, big caveat, maybe others are not in a mess-making stage of development and i should definitely avoid those people and their projects. yes? there are parts of my existence that i don't want anybody messing up, so yes, i guess that would make an uberdose of sense.... it's just that i don't believe we are going to be screwing_up_fundamentally in the future, but rather, with our wits intact and on purpose. it_won't_be_a_test. and it isn't already a test. or some such. it's just that you won't always be getting what_you_want, in some fundamental and predictably_cyclical way. if we destroy the planet, it wasn't because we failed some test. it's because we destroyed the planet. we definitely could have been better humans, but, yep, not_a_test. that whole Jesus forgiveness thing really throws a wrench in getting people to do_the_right_thing, and this is a theological problem, which theologians should be (and some are) hard at work on. it's just that people are not such good students anymore, and maybe it was because they got sucked into a pleasure_principle and said screw_the_tests... i don't blame them, though, for just trying to reduce stress. eventually one has to learn, though, that total stress reduction = waste of life. but, hey, yeah, work it so you don't get tested so much!!! that's my final answer, and a total advice_monster_ramble. thanks, dear blatherskites, for listening. 101026 what's it to you? who go blather from