altered_states workinprogress. where were you while we were getting high? 110102 ... perfectly_chaotic Last night was...... awkward. I was sitting on my friend's papasan in a futile attempt to sleep. I invited my lesbian friend out and she was making out with my straight friend who has just started dating some other girl... Our gay friend was trying to sleep on the couch.... The two of them were trying to be quiet in the bed, but I could hear them... It does not help that I had been drinking and was a tad bit upset over how boring life seems lately. I feel alone even when I am surrounding myself with others. Foolishly, I expressed the whole boredom feeling; I usually reserve that one for my own head. When they realized I could not sleep, although it was not a problem at the boring ass bar, my friend said, not realizing I would take him up on it, that I should get in the middle. Obviously when you throw two straight guys in bed with a lesbian and there is a gay man on the couch it will be kinda open in a weird way. My lesbian friend said she ought to turn in her lesbian card. Shortly after she told me to go back to the "pod", because she could not remember the word papasan, because she wanted to cuddle with my friend... Of course I obliged and went back to my jail cell... I am sure she did not mean to call it a pod and didn't mean to refer to the papasan as a pod. It kinda hurt. The thrill of feeling wanted around always precedes the pain of remembering that I am all alone as always. Is it really possible to become satisfied with being alone? I have this funny feeling, this nervous neurosis, this anxious squeeze between my brows, this irritating thought, terrible trembling heart, aching core and finally a resonating ringing in my ears... I just wish I could find somebody who could leave me feeling less isolated... I wonder if that is even possible. 110102 ... perfectly_chaotic oh yeah, I just realized that my story about where I was last night got a bit off track. I haven't heard Oasis in awhile. However, if you were getting high last night. Now you know where I was. On an island in my head. 110102 what's it to you? who go blather from