quiet_fears Mahayana you brandished a high calibre indifference, humming tunes about your quiet fears 030105 ... Bizzar What you may be thinking when you look at me What you feel when you look in my eyes. How my life would be without you 030331 ... misstree don't you scare me like that. i know you were drunk, and i know the kind of ramblings that sieze the tongue and heart and arms wrapped around me, but you can't want for me to stay so bad, you can't make it hard for me, because i'm hard, i'm aloof, i need you to be aloof with me, so that we don't have to hurt eachother with distances we don't want, we don't want to tangle ourselves in eachother's breath, we just want to hunt, to play, to giggle and grin, and now there's a fist in my gut that churns, that rumbles like a coming storm, that speaks "poet poet poet" all through my thoughts, that tells me this won't be the quiet and colorful explosions forever, it will fall down, and it will hurt, and because i am mommi chula i will land first to cushion you, because i am, at times, too kind, because i am poet poet poet and i've been here before, because i am so very fond of you and i don't want to be fonder, but you slipped in a spy, and he will always whisper and he will sit and watch, and his eyes will be heavy on me until The End. take these words and quiet them. 040129 ... Syrope what exactly IS it about encounters of the intimate kind that make us start revealing doubts? i thought "i've never really done this kind of thing before" was only something they said in the movies, but i opened my mouth and i had no control of what i was saying. i wanted you to know that what was happening between us wasn't something i made a habit of - i didn't want you to feel like an object, especially not a rebound. i don't know why i brought that word into the room at all. i didn't want you to think i was inexperienced, i didn't want you to think i was going to be emotionally attached to you forever because you were my first of something. i'm not and i won't, because you weren't. not really. the combination of circumstances was new, and i loved it. (and you've done everything right since...thank you) i want to know what you remember more. is it me bumbling around with words and feelings, or what i meant...what you saw in my eyes? i hope you saw that i was only so nonchalant about you leaving because i want you to feel free, not because i don't want you to stay. 040130 ... minnesota_chris I can't be aloof enough for you to want me. That is our problem, isn't it? 040131 what's it to you? who go blather from