Mahayana you brandished a high calibre indifference, humming tunes about your quiet fears 030105
Bizzar What you may be thinking when you look at me
What you feel when you look in my eyes.
How my life would be without you
misstree don't you scare me like that.

i know you were drunk, and
i know the kind of ramblings that
sieze the tongue and heart and
arms wrapped around me, but
you can't want for me to stay so bad, you
can't make it hard for me, because
i'm hard, i'm aloof, i need you to be
aloof with me, so that we don't have to
hurt eachother with distances we don't
want, we don't want to tangle ourselves
in eachother's breath, we just want
to hunt, to play, to giggle and grin,
and now there's a fist in my gut that
churns, that rumbles like a coming storm,
that speaks "poet poet poet" all through
my thoughts, that tells me this won't be
the quiet and colorful explosions forever,
it will fall down, and it will hurt, and
because i am mommi chula i will
land first to cushion you, because
i am, at times, too kind, because i am
poet poet poet and i've been here before,
because i am so very fond of you and
i don't want to be fonder, but you
slipped in a spy, and he will always
whisper and he will sit and watch,
and his eyes will be heavy on me
until The End.

take these words
and quiet them.
Syrope what exactly IS it about encounters of the intimate kind that make us start revealing doubts? i thought "i've never really done this kind of thing before" was only something they said in the movies, but i opened my mouth and i had no control of what i was saying.

i wanted you to know that what was happening between us wasn't something i made a habit of - i didn't want you to feel like an object, especially not a rebound. i don't know why i brought that word into the room at all.

i didn't want you to think i was inexperienced, i didn't want you to think i was going to be emotionally attached to you forever because you were my first of something. i'm not and i won't, because you weren't. not really. the combination of circumstances was new, and i loved it. (and you've done everything right since...thank you)

i want to know what you remember more. is it me bumbling around with words and feelings, or what i meant...what you saw in my eyes? i hope you saw that i was only so nonchalant about you leaving because i want you to feel free, not because i don't want you to stay.
minnesota_chris I can't be aloof enough for you to want me. That is our problem, isn't it? 040131
what's it to you?
who go