gravity_of_tears unhinged the release of letting_go a salt stained streak slowly evaporating some memories only hurt more in the longer passing 080524 ... unhinged my face still scratched and wet forced myself to leave the house because maybe the last thing i wanted was the first thing i needed (recently realizing i cram it all down not a single person around here i could have the same wordless_coversations with) so i went anyways stopped at the drugstore face, eyes red voice quiet and scared the poor kid at the register so that he heard my 'yeah' as a 'no' everything about me looking no such a solid wall everything inside me pleading please for so long i_pleaded but somehow it_ends_like_this more often than not clutching pillows streaming tears five_years_ago was the last time i had someone to hold me when i cried decay_of_tears the knee jerk reaction to push me away i fight it the hardening of me into a person i don't want to be pushed buffeted battered by the storm inside outside all around me same tired_old_story really all life is same tired old struggle same tired old survival the tears well up and fall over the edge 080524 ... unhinged and i woke up today and feel somewhat better the gravity slowly pulling it out of me cause sometimes i just need to cry and there's no shame in that the need fewer and far between receding echoing_thought love the pill i swallow ( tonglen ) ...............for myself 080525 ... unhinged like a punch to the stomach or a boulder on the chest no room to breathe 120605 ... unhinged . 131230 ... unhinged to the old me - we are ok. we climbed out of the hole. with hard work, we can maintain way more equanimity. we even sometimes make_better_choices thanks for hanging in there even_when you didn't want to 180930 what's it to you? who go blather from