in_the_world_but_not_of a Wim Wenders film "It's great tolive ony by the spirit, to testify day by day for eternity only to the spiritual side of people But sometimes I get fed up with my spiritual existence... Instead of forever hovering above, i'd like to feel like there's some weight to me to end my eternity and bind me to earth. At each step, each gust of wind, I'd like to be able to say "Now," ..."now and now" and no longer say "since always" and "forever." To sit in the empty seat at the card table and be greeted, if only by a nod Whenever we did participate, it was only a pretense. Wrestling with one of them we allowed a hip to be dislocated, in pretense only. We pretended to catch a fish. We pretended to be seated at the tables and to drink and eat and we were served roast lamb and wine in the tents out there in the desert, in pretense. Not that I want to beget a child or plant a tree right away, but it would be quite something to come home after a long day, like Phillip Marlowe, and feed the cat...to have a fever...to have blackened fingers from the newspaper...to be excited not only by the mind, but at last by a meal...the curve of a neck...by an ear To lie. (Through the teeth!) To feel your skeleton moving along as you walk. Finally to suspect, instead of forever knowing all To be able to say "Ah!" and "Oh!" and "Hey!" instead of "yes" and "Amen" -- Damiel to Cassiel 030202 ... amy in my world, the spiritual in the above passage should be in quotes. to be like that is to be in spiritual pain. i suppose, though, that it might be part of a process... but why stay. 030203 ... a Wim Wenders film wings_of_desire 030204 ... damiel faraway, so close 030204 ... ich will keine engel seine i_don't_belong_here 030902 ... oldephebe this was interesting - more fodder for my embattled faith 030902 ... ashmanzhou living in the world not of it never of it never belonging to it standing watching outside you position inside making you more of an observer than a person staring from outside of it this is not freedom this is not living your own life this is subsisting as as shadow where none should be 030902 ... counterentity l'histoire de ma vie. un grand mensonnage. growing each day, relentlessly, a mere reflection of the pathetic nature of a soul which has ceased to exist. just another passerby, whose shadow will soon be reduced to dust with the next gentle breeze ... 040526 ... pete tear a hole in my soul let me experience something wholly other and let the juices of my beating heart flow out and spring up again as the flowers bloom like they do on the old battle fields... 040526 what's it to you? who go blather from