unhinged healing_myself

reconciling who i was with who i am and who i want to be

i realize finally all the ways i hurt myself
all the ways they hurt me
all the ways that place hurt me
how i hurt others because of all that

the years have been catching up with me
and sometimes when i'm all alone
i feel so damn old
the life i've lived in the past decade
so old

this year has been pivotal

It's teased to heal a decade
One that had me lost and pushing
Against my fear and failure but with no sweet taste of a future that looked anything like what I identified with
My mortality rankled and squeezed
Squeezed my guts until I couldn't fear anymore
Here I am to try again, trust and love again but turned inside out
Nothing left to lose and want to win
unhinged ate up all my patience


but i am back at the meditation center
one of the meditation instructors that comes to cafe
just in case someone might need him
'we are your family; come whenever you need us'

and i am back to it
i forgot some of the
i made before us

i forget myself so easily
In_Bloom So much love but love and good intent aren't a cure for what ails as much as I've wanted it to be, for two. 100528
Ouroboros trying to get that round peg into the square hole 100729
h|s|g diameter, simple_math sometimes can make up for
qualitative differences.
Ouroboros reorganizing my inside and out to allow for new light/life/energy to be received properly. 100810
unhinged i_want_my_life_back

whatever you have to tell yourself
to leave me alone
i am tired of the drama
of the mental/verbal abuse
of the take take take
i am finally so tired
that i am ready and willing to walk_away
but getting nasty voicemails and text messages on my phone
isn't helping either of us

change my number?
go stay on the other side of town with friends?

unhinged may just have been the most intensely horrible of my whole wretched life 121022
what's it to you?
who go