spontaneously unhinged suddenly urgent i wasn't expecting this or wanting this right_now the doubts are strong when_i'm_alone lately my lips have been missing you feeling you showing you (you make my heart so full it overflows i want to share) 140223 ... unhinged you said 'i wanted to talk to you' and i had a heart_pang of anxiety that phrase has never worked out for me but we mutually agreed that we are great together you want me just me only me i had to coax it out of you cause for once you weren't direct 'what i mean is we should be committed' well damn yes yes yes 140302 ... unhinged is it time to say i_love_you yet? cause i do it flows out of me without even realizing i was so fucking mad at you i wanted to spit i wanted to run maybe it was all the shamatha in the intervening years but i sat through it instead of getting with the good old cut_and_run but i was so fucking mad at you i couldnt even look at you (i made your friend sit in the front seat on our way to dinner) you wouldnt let me pull my passive aggressive shit at dinner and slowly the flames went out i heard a voice somewhere between my head and my heart say 'tell him you're sorry' 'honey i'm sorry' he made some typical smartass comment about how i shouldve been maybe we kissed he grabbed my ass back_to_normal 140506 ... u24 :) 140507 ... unhinged we woke up one morning, both trying to bring ourselves to get up for the jobs we hate, and you asked me where i saw our relationship in five years. i was just trying to get through the way you had been acting while your mother was in town. i didnt have a satisfying answer. 'i think of you as a good friend' i dont play that role anymore. my sudden refusal to play your game threw you off balance. then the real you came out, selfish claws and all. but a quick photographic_memory of the way you used to smile at me still flashes by my eyes sometimes 140721 ... unhinged you moved to beijing you smoked said it was a requisite of doing business in china (we were comfortable in a way i haven't been comfortable since fool me once shame on me maybe i am avoiding the twice) 200411 what's it to you? who go blather from