tired
stupidpunkgirl every bone in my body is tired
i feel so old
i just want to give up
crawl under a pile of blankets
for the rest of my life
how will i survive
if i'm only 16?
and i have years to go
i don't want to experience life
anymore
what it's showed me so far hasn't impressed me
so maybe i'll sleep instead
010214
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guitar_freak it is so amazing each one of us feels so alone and yet we all seem to be suffering from the same symptoms? 010228
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silentbob we should all get together and have a massive orgy 010301
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soia we should all get together and beat eachother senseless, and then hug
that's what I'm (afraid) looking for
010301
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minus weary

worn

tattered
bruised

beat.

yet, optimistic.
010301
...
bird mad channelling robert smith ...disguised oblivion...

please stop loving me

i am none of these things
010301
...
dB um 010312
...
mikey why dont we all get together beat each other senseless then have a big orgy then all get full body massages THEN hug.

or lets not and say we did.

man that was fun!
010312
...
dB I'm tired, I can't explain
All the troubled notions scrambling my brain
I'm tired, let me be for now
There was a time when I was interested by you
But it isn't now

If only I could escape
Leave a dummy in my place
Slip away through the walls
Not listen at all

I'm tired, I can't explain
I may as well have been talking to myself
By the look on your face
I'm high, I don't feel myself
I think I should feel happy
But only want to lie down

If only I could escape
Leave a dummy in my place
Slip away through the walls
Not listen at all

I'm tired, I might go away
I'm tired, I've no more to say
I'm tired, I'm tired
So take me, take me away
010312
...
nocturnal it's so wierd how I just don't get tired anymore. not at the normal time to do so anyway. I get tired usually between 1 and 4 in the afternoon. but even when I don't take a nap all day, by 9 or 10 that night, I'm ready to go till morning, and sometimes, like tonight, I do. still not tired. this is insane. 010417
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daxle I'm lost in a tiredness
my life is swirling in pieces
it's not all bad
it's not all good
("everyone goes on and on")
there's no major synopsis
no conclusions
not even one major feeling
I get confused when I'm ok sometimes
cause I spent so much time not being ok
but it's good...
011002
...
distorted tendencies I agree with Bobby, let's have the massive orgy. 011007
...
nocturnal uh huh. yes. very much so. 011110
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bespeckled I'm tired of waiting for you
I'm falling asleep at my computer, and I'm angry at you for making me wait this long.

Hurry up, i want you.
Hurry up, i want to go to bed.
020403
...
misstree my body aches, slowly groaning dissent
and i pull my head up to watch
another set of headlights approaching,
hoping... are they slowing?
time stretches as they pass.
my ride out of this
place
will never arrive.
020705
...
Sonya In more ways than one I am tired...fed up and ready to begin.

I've been alive, dead, resurrected, killed, but still for some insane reason...needed.

A purpose? For me? Indeed...

I am tired. Give me a huge hammer to keep by my internal bed so that I may smash that damn alarm clock to pieces.
020905
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kerry there are people i miss right now. there are things i'd like to write down that i just can't. i want to watch that funny woody allen movie, "whats up, tigerlily" once more and get another superchunk cd and
yeah.
i want to talk to james.
i dreamed about james again.
i hate it.

there's a cigar in my purse and i don't know what to do with it.
021226
...
mcdougall I am so tired...
My mind wants to type and write but my body wants to sleep. I try to think of something to say or add but all i can think of is... I_am_so_tired.

Good night everyone. Dream well.
030123
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Bespeckled I'm tired of all the crap I have to claim as mine.

Crap abounds! But it's nice to find something nice once in a while. I guess the crap makes the nice nicer.

Like the uglies make the beautiful more beautiful.

And the short make the tall more tall.

Oh, just bury me in this crap, to make my good even better.
030819
...
well thats cheery. thankyou mind. sinking into a lake of apathy
you reach out
and grasp for something to hold
your fingers reach thin air
sinking further
you panic and drown.
040716
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newme myalgic encephalomyelitis 040716
...
newme my doctor figures i've been 'sick' since i was four, eventhough it didn't become apparent till i was thirteen.

i'm trying to get better.
040716
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newme http://www.cfids-cab.org/MESA/ 040716
...
newme “The term[s] ‘fatigue’ and ‘chronic fatigue’ never existed in this entity until it was put into [the name] in 1988…The whole concept of fatigue has warped our understanding of this illness.” Byron Hyde, M.D., The Nightingale Research Foundation, Ottawa, Canada


“This illness is to fatigue what a nuclear bomb is to a match. It’s an absurd mischaracterization.” Laura Hillenbrand, Bestselling author of Seabiscuit


“Patients are united in their dislike of the term ‘fatigue’.” Thomas Hennessy, Jr., RESCIND, Inc.




personally, i'm tired of ME. it's tiring
040716
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newme "...The Canadian Expert Consensus Panel has published a medical milestone, the first clinical case definition for the disease known as myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome. This definition is clearly a vast improvement over the CDC's 1994 Fukuda criteria, which led to misunderstanding in both research and treatment modalities by making "fatigue" a compulsory symptom but by downplaying or making optional the disease's hallmark of post-exertional sickness and other cardinal ME/CFS symptoms. In sharp contrast to the Fukuda criteria, this new clinical case definition makes it compulsory that in order to be diagnosed with ME/CFS, a patient must become symptomatically ill after exercise and must also have neurological, neurocognitive, neuroendocrine, dysautonomic, and immune manifestations. In short, symptoms other than fatigue must be present for a patient to meet the criteria. This case definition, which incorporates some of the current research on dysautonomia, cardiac, and immune problems, was published in the Journal of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Vol. 11 (1) 2003..."




people often say "oh you're just tired. everybody gets tired".
040716
...
uow sometimes i tell myself i'm just tired 040929
...
cocoon Ooof.

Really freaking tired. Too much thinking. Too much commuting. Not enough sleep.

Just getting used to the new life.
060929
...
cocoon Cramps. Hay fever. School. Headache. Want to sleep, but I know I need to cook & eat and study. One of those is not going to happen [probably the studying]. 070423
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Aswad it's a shame, i think everyone must be tired,
tired of wanting to be something more than they are,
tired of not feeling satisfied, tired of an endless list of things that don't really matter. Children seem to have a lot of energy, a lot of bounce probably because they don't worry so much about what is tomorrow or what was yesterday.

- "Not Satisfied"
070423
...
lost .. the situation is a drag....

....they must keep on living somehow...

..... how can they let this life go on?

....
070523
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red eyed birdmad two hours of sleep, but not in one solid block

i am disoriented

i feel disconnected from reality
070523
...
clarity mmm...
ride the wave,
if it sucks you under, don't fight it...
let it role you how it wants.. then only you will find air.
i know this very well - trust me !

if you feel you are loosing grip don't panic it only makes it worse, fear causes more fear...
070523
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Fido Thar blade above me crown
Sways a'gentle in the breezes,
So I carry with care my own
Fer there's danger in my sneezes!
070524
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no reason too tired not to want more 080516
...
no reason it's now that i miss and want 080516
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steampunkrock of this endless dirge. this drone. 080628
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cocoon after a hard days learning.... 090209
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belly fire I have never been so tired before;
tired on the inside.
090921
...
no reason so tired it defies description 090922
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cocoon Oof.

Comes from using my brain again I suppose.

Also, ugh, the weather. Just want to curl up in bed. I have things I should probably do, but the temptation to curl up in bed will probably win out.
101027
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gja oof_v_ooph 101028
...
nr i think my soul is tired.

so much unfulfilling work and so little play and so much guilt over any potential play.

so much planning to get places and trying to convince oneself it'll be worth it and that the complications will be sorted out.

so much being tired of complications. so tired of mountains. so tired of feeling like life is spent climbing mountains. trudging, wishing, wanting, straining.

sometimes giving up and taking the easy way out just feels like it would be such a relief.
150508
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epitome of incomprehensibility N., the person whom I asked out, asked me on a date in turn (for Saturday night; it was Thursday) but he didn't specify where, so when I heard from my longtime friend J an hour later inviting me to a possible party at that time, I asked, "Oh, I've got an idea, can I bring N?" and she said sure, but cautioned that the party was just an idea so far.

Of course I got excited and nervous. It was so smart of me, wasn't it, to combine two different social events? Saves time and all that. Anyway, I went and invited him and told him he could bring something food or drink-like, and he went the classy route and said he'd bring a bottle of wine, and so I told J that.

She hadn't contacted me by last night, and I had to work this morning, so when I came home I wasted time on the Internet before finally opening my emails. Sure enough, this morning J had emailed, "Oh, so it turns out there's no party after all" and I burst into tears. Because here I'd been getting nervous, scratching the skin on my shoulders and losing sleep (to what purpose, I may add - neither make me look more attractive) and neglecting what I'm supposed to be doing, which is a workbook on pronouns that was supposed to be due yesterday.

(Then I saw raze's post in blatherskite_dreams and burst out laughing.)

It's almost five o'clock. I am no good at this work thing and no good at this social thing.

But I will admit all this, too, is somewhat amusing. Of course it seems serious when you're in the middle of it. Thoughts like "I can't see him alone - how can I date someone I don't even KNOW?" as if no one's ever gone on blind dates before, or thoughts like "English is not his first language and the only other boyfriend I had, well, his first language wasn't English either and things didn't work out (at least partly because he had to move back to Europe, but hey)" seem reasonable at the time.

Even worse, thoughts like "I'll never speak to J again; how can she DO this to me???" seem just reasonable enough, while I can tell thoughts like "I am giving up all socializing ever," are not. That edge, that partial awareness, is dangerous. That space between disappointment and anger. I can't speak to her such a mood. I think I'm in a better mood now.

I'll call him and then her. I'll say sorry to him, but I really am tired, and I can't go on a date with deadlines hanging over me.

No - I'm getting hysterical again, thinking I can't do anything. Please tell me to stop thinking like this and to finish my salad. I ate three peanut butter squares but not my salad.
150509
...
e_o_i Off the phone now. How does it work that he likes me? I don't want to break people's hearts, even slightly. I'm not good at this. I'm not even good-looking. Oh look, it's raining - I can go out and run in the rain and cry. No, now it's not raining that hard. Ah well. Missed my chance. 150509
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epitome of incomprehensibility My news is bruised,
I've got the zoo-toothed blues.
Had to look up "contusion"
to hide my confusion

and my eyes are blue
on the underside,
and my ears half-blocked
as my mouth yawns wide.

It's the tired side.
Life on the tired side.

Life on the tire slide;
half-remembered larks
(not the birds) in the old
Ecomuseum park, and why rhyme?

It was a tire walk-through
not a slide
and now I'm dealing with my emails
like the work emails:
sorting, starring
Gmail and The Colour Yellow:
A Mythobiography.
Julian Barnes
in Your Living Room.
Ineluctable Modality
is cramped for style guides,
cosmopolitan dictates,
cocktails, dicktails,
details, dovetails,
lists, lists,
lists, lists,
and...
150929
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from