do_you_remember stork daddy a time when you didn't even have the word fuck? what did we say then? 030619 ... no reason depends on the context me when i first heard of the word: "mom, what's the f word?" "it starts with f and rhymes with truck, but don't say it." "fuck?" "yes, but don't say it." 030619 ... unhinged when_we_were_smiling ? 030619 ... Doar the people that transferred light into a finger touch? the breastplate you had the fingers underneath not a purchase the weariness the heartache the longing it could only belong to you. my smile only to you only to you 100109 ... when darkness falls the_city we were not tourists. we lived there. 100110 ... past do you remember me at all? maybe not, but there is a chance. fleeted in, silenced out. perhaps beneath my toque, a different jacket, new glasses, and a beard i look different than i did eight months back. 100111 ... .flowerock Do_you? Because you say "it wasn't that bad" They say I'm remembering incorrectly... Speaking of memory_replacement confabulation and repression Does my mind just insert painful, dark, negative memories into my mental_history? Did I really imagine all that? I really don't think so and questioning it makes me feel insane and afraid and deeply offended. Isn't is strange how those who tell me I'm imagining it, I'm exaggerating, I'm crazy... are the ones I remember hurt me? The ones who physically and emotionally bruised me? Who I stuck with despite the pain because I desperately want love to win? But it only wins in way of forgiveness. Yes, I_forgive_you for the hurt you caused, and also for the gaslighting as they call it... I forgive you for repressing your memory of beating me or of those other things you did, to be fair I let it all happen, I stayed. Now when love is winning, I'm suspicious, scared, bitter, tight, not open. I'm_cold I'm unavailable. I'm negative and push love away, irritated. I don't like this. I work to heal, to change and grow and release these feeling. It is a choice. That is what I can replace and push back. I plant the negative memories as seeds and water them with love to grow into a tree with flowers that fruit into soul_nourishing treats. I can tend the garden_of_my_mind and let my heart_shine. I am just so upset about this accusation of false_memory recently. And then you want to suggest that it was some other way? No, it wasn't. 170109 what's it to you? who go blather from