conditional florescent light People always tell me that I am different, that I do my own thing. But I'm not who you think I am. Am I being myself? Or am I being who you want me to be? Terrified of their judgments Why do I care so much what people think? Especially my parents. They're bad parents, and their love for me is conditional. I'm planning to move across the country, so I can get away from their stinging grip. My goal is to mentally divorce myself from them before I leave, so that I am not running from my problems. It shouldn't matter what they think. But if I do something they don't agree with, soemthing that doesn't fit into there definition of the perfect daughter, especially with regards to religion, they will disown me. My father's already disowned me about 5 times. If I do something that they don't want me to do- they say.."If you do this- don't bother coming back here ever, don't bother calling again, etc." What person doesn't want the comfort of knowing that there parents will be there in case of an emergency? It upsets me and causes me much distress. I can't be myself because you won't love me if I am. 010323 ... unhinged if hair were wires, black wires (spring) from her head that's probably the best sonnet. every time i read it i think of my-so-called life...i was distraught when they cancelled that show. 010323 ... lost my mothers love is conditional. she tried to get the cops to take me away last night. I didnt do anything illegal. I just pissed her off. she tels me she hates me. and she tells me that if i find a place to move she will help me move. Thus I am looking for a place. Even as i type i am thinking of someone else who might want to move out and get a place together. well i guess i will have to wait until this summer when my girlfreind moves back from New York. We are going to get an apartment together. I am only 16 and she will be 18 when she moves out here(she is 17 now)I guess i'll just have to find a good job to help pay for everything. 010514 ... DavesHeroinGirl Everything has always been. Please make your love the one thing that isn't. 030305 what's it to you? who go blather from