bruised_knuckles Farool From punching the brick wall behind the school. A crimson purple throb from the cosmic universe, delivered with a smile. Some proof, finally, of how much has happened. Scars on my knuckles. The purple bags under my eyes, chances are those will never go away. That's insomnia. I. Can't. Fucking. Do. A. Fucking. Thing. I am powerless. I am useless. I am the sack of shit that no one wants around. I am the wallflower, the face in the background. I am conceited enough to think that I'm the victim. Because I'm not. I'm not. I am not the victim. This is not about me. This is about mon amie. All of it. I can't even imagine what would happen if she wasn't here. I can't fucking comprehend. I can't take this. I can't take this inside turmoil. I can't deal with life. That's what I am. I'm not selfish, or an attention whore. I'm not even sad. My depression is from weakness, it's as simple as that. I'm weak. I'm not a malicious person, but I sure as fuck am not an angel. I don't know! I don't know! Why the fuck would this happen. Why the fuck? WHY? It's not fair. It's not fucking fair. That's what I am. I'm weak so I blame the world for not being fair. It shouldn't be fair. It's a fucking cesspit. Mon amie, please please don't. Don't do this. Mon amie, I can't lose you, I just can't. I'm so fucking dependant, please, don't push me away. Nothing left to do but kick and scream and shout. Everything's not lost. That's what I tell myself when I'm happy. It keeps me from doing stupid things like this. Mon amie and moi have gone through worse things. Well, we haven't, but we've worked everything out. Every. Thing. I don't want her to leave, I really can't tell you how much I wish she would stay. She's perfect. Fucking. Perfect. Perfect people don't need to run away from their problems. They can confront them, and win. And even if she insists that she's not perfect, there's no denying that she's pretty fucking close. A lot closer than me. I cried today. I had tears coming down my face. I resorted to deliberate self mutilation. I've never done that before. I'm trapped. I'm trapped. I'm stuck in this fucking hole. I can't do anything. I'm so powerless. 060103 what's it to you? who go blather from