suicide splinken "I suppose you think that's very funny, Harold." 010215 ... idlemind something everyone thinks about 010317 ... mikey its ok to think about things. some things shouldnt be acted upon is all. but in life...im not anyone but me so..how can any of us say someone elses life isnt really so bad.... if we all had a dime for every time we hear that we'd all be rich. 010317 ... soia gets off the phone and I know something is very wrong. afraid of what awaits. "i have to go. jc tried to commit suicide." and he's gone, tires screeching. i stand there. what to do? 010505 ... Dafremen If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours to keep. If it doesn't, it probably wasn't worth having anyhow. 010505 ... argo I know how I will die; I just don't know when. Both comforting and overly-dramatic, my favorites. 010505 ... spoons an option a way out a new beginning hope acceptance payback regreat 010506 ... chiidi this new recurring dream the poker game hand again and again aces and eights the dead man's hand 010506 ... nocturnal teenage suicide. don't do it. 010507 ... splinken teenage suicide. she blew it. 010601 ... the Police i can't i can't i can't stand losing i can't i can't i can't stand losing i can't i can't i can't i can't stand losing you 010705 ... argo means pain suicide is lonely, so I've been wandering around bus stations and halfway-houses, looking for someone to make a pact with 010830 ... silentbob i kind of wanted to stab myself in the stomach today 010831 ... kali i don't want to have children. after i formulated this opinion, i didn't really know why i felt this way. i think i know now. basically, deep down, i am suicidal. i think life is a shit. i have bad days and i have really, terribly great days, but, on average, i hate this existence. however, i have no desire to take my own life. (none. at all. don't worry.) this life-disgust, however, is carried over into potential childbirth, and prevents me from wanting to bring someone else into this world without their consent. so instead of taking my own life, i take the lives of my young before they are born. (and, if depression is a genetic condition, they would probably thank me for it.) i have insomnia. i might not like this post in the morning. no regrets. 010904 ... pilgrim If it's all as bleak as it can get, then when they discver your body They'll also dicover the winning Lottery ticket in your pocket 010904 ... psychobabe i fear to soon that these feelings i feel may be leading to depression. I dont want to go through that again, not the suicidal thoughtz 011121 ... spoons Jesus christ come save my life dear god i wish to die tonight im sick of life this constant fight the wrong is right within my sight teenage suicide...goodnight 011219 ... Jenna thought about it about 6 times today 011220 ... distorted tendencies don't you do it and don't you do it but i will 011221 ... jim_starks even though i seem so self confident on the outside, not a day goes by that i don't think about ending it all. a drug overdose would be the way to do it. a handful of pills and a nice sleep never to wake from. it would never happen but i still think about it constantly. i'm so unhappy. 020210 ... pralines&cream I cut myself on the finger the other day, just to see how it would be. That's the closest to suicide I'll ever go. But you ... you wanted to kill yourself once, because of me. 020211 ... misstree i died already, many moons ago. i went on a trip, and i made my goodbyes, and i made peace witht the fact that i might never come back, that any one of a hundred things, from muggers to despair, could kill me in the meantime. every moment since has been stolen, and most have been sweeter because of it. 020211 ... black One day I will kill myself It may not be my firearms, or poison, or carbon monoxide, or the precipice or a fifty story building, but something inside me will wilt one day. One day I will pour burning angry pitch all over it and it will die. Then I will be dead, and ignorant again. I will see my bliss. 020211 ... daxle If you want ignorance, join a religion and/or sedate yourself with various drugs. Treat your body poorly. Don't read. Watch tv. Create a shell around your mind. You can be dead while your body is still alive. 020211 ... bethany when i was 13 i had a letter on stand by. but then i just ran away but now i just had sugery on my wrists and i have scars 3 inches on my wrists and everyone looks at themon my wrists and i swear if they were anywhere else on my body people would ask where i got those huge stiches down my wrists but their eyes dart right back to my face when they catch a glance and there is all this worry, and wonder, and even fear, that i haven't decided yet if it's immoral to play with but anyhow i smile about it, but hope it's there if i need it, which would be quite easily done as all i would have to do is trace 020212 ... Jenna I have a letter on standby right now. On my computer, password protected. death ~ 020213 ... Miffey what a waste. suicide doesn't solve anything. As long as you're alive you can use your free will to alter your reality. Suicide take you out of the game and leaves you to the hand of God, whatever, whoever he (she, it) may be. Besides, who would want to clean up that mess ;P 020214 ... black miffey, jake, whatever you are a fucking idiot, and I daresay most think it 020507 ... BrotherDB Tried it in high school and failed, what does it mean if you fail at suicide what does that mean. I took every pill in my house, the doctors told me in the neightborhood of 300 of them, if it hadn't been for my friend who found me, I would be dead. I thank that friend everyday when I wake up in the morning. My parents took my to a shink afterwords and to tell you the truth it didn't help at all. I was so rapped up in the pain in which I lived everyday that I could not see what I did to the people around me. They only wanted to help, but I pushed them away, because I didn't think they understood. Until my dad told me that he attempted it when he was younger. It seems that my parents weren't totally clueless. I still think about suicide every once in a while, but then I come to my senses and realize that I would rather live a long, mildly satisfing life then a short shitty one. 020508 ... the birdmad and the damage done i always wondered if my friend's shrink apologized to his parents or if Charter refunded any of that money that they made off of him after he killed himself the year after we graduated Of course not, all he did was make room on their calendars for more potential revenue, this is the psychiatrist's most vested interest in a patient, i think. PT Barnum should have partnered with Freud memory of the shocked look on the face of that rank fucking amateur from St. Luke's BHC as i slit my wrist in front of her and walked out, still bleeding to go back to my next class. yeah, so much for our follow up visit. 020508 ... blown cherry My psychologist said she's put some crisis team on to me, they're just supposed to call and check up on me every now and again. They're suppose to make first contact today, but my phone is still broken. 020508 ... kerry does anyone here feel that suicide is selfish? i'm not really sure where i stand here. 020828 ... spoons I think whether it's selfish or not depends on the circumstance... 020828 ... argo I don't think that it's as selfish or rude or thoughtless as its opponents want us to believe. The choice to create life seems somehow a little more self-absorbed. 020828 ... sue aside ;) right on, argo. you got it like they all should. 020828 ... daxle sans paxil me: so if I go to them, will they try to keep me there? nurse: maybe, but maybe that's what you need me: actually, if I needed to be degraded like that again I'd just go become a prostitue nurse: um.... well... we're only looking out for your best interest me: ok thanks, but I think I'm doing ok with that myself 020828 ... amy suicidal feelings are natural, as is depression. however, dissatisfaction and doubt can turn out to be very useful, given the proper perspective. one doesn't have to actually die to put oneself through some of the benefits of death... it's all about finding self-empowerment. it's all about individuality, and its troubles. life is nothing if it's not difficult, especially for the young. you are free to plumb the depths of your being, if you need to. 020829 ... Zeb was suicidal for a long time still feel like it from time to time i am much better now, things got better but funny as it may be, i look back on my suicidal days with fondness i dont know how to explain it, i just miss those days.... it doesnt really make sense at all... i wanted to die, now i dont, but i miss wanting that sometimes 030413 ... SuicidalAngel hahah thats so funny! I know exactly what you mean! 030413 ... tender_square “my friend’s been dead for two years and he still has a facebook page,” dad said as he clasped his beer. “well, yeah. after people die, they can’t deactivate their profiles,” i explained. “once you’re on there, you’re on there forever,” mom added. “and then your loved ones turn it into a memorial page where they post every year, or more frequently,” i said. “yeah, like candi used to do with dave’s profile. does she still do that?” mom asked me. “i don’t know, i haven’t had a facebook account in years,” i reminded her. the three of us were having early dinner on a restaurant patio, soaking in the late october sun. i spoke about how uncomfortable it was to see other people’s grief on social media, using an acquaintances’ death as an example, and how his sister would write these long-winded posts on his page after that i eventually had to mute. “which friend was this?” mom asked. “the one i wrote that poem about; he had committed suicide.” and i wondered aloud if maybe that was part of it, why my own sister and this friend’s sister kept returning to their loved ones pages, because they had addiction issues and died by their own hand, that the grieving happened in public because the final act of their lives was so jarring. “i don’t know how you ever really get over that; it leaves so many unanswered questions,” i said. “it’s really a selfish act,” mom said. “and those who are left behind never recover from it, especially when the act is done as a coup de grâce.” she poked at her french fries and lowered her eyes. the three of us grew quiet. for a moment i thought she was referring to someone else she knew who had endured this, or to my sisters and their many attempts. then i quickly realized she was speaking from direct experience: she was talking about her dad. 221023 ... epitome of incomprehensibility When I think of it, I'm still a bit annoyed at how Mom hushed me up when I went, "Uncle Lorne killed himself." He was my Ontario aunt's husband, who liked jazz and wore a grey ponytail, who supported her in her batik business. He'd been suffering from depression for years. I understand her reasoning more now, but I don't quite agree with it. Sure, it seems jarring to hear that so bluntly, even from a child of nine or ten. Maybe especially so, since a few seconds later I'd probably be blathering about Polly Pockets or metamorphic rocks or whatever sparked my curiosity. But the attendant idea that it was shameful didn't seem fair. Are "natural" deaths treated that way? (Some, true. But that doesn't seem fair either.) A couple of weeks ago, David said some politically correct rephrasings seemed trivial and ineffective. (I argued back that they *could* be, but that we shouldn't fall into the trap that this is some end goal of "The Left," since the preferred phrase can also be less euphemistic and bulky: disabled people often say "disabled" instead of some wordy workaround.) Anyway, he pointed out how some people preferred "died by suicide" to "committed suicide," and to him it seemed a trivial difference. "It's because 'committed' is associated with committing crimes, but do people really think of that in the phrase 'committed suicide'?" Me, devil's advocate, although the distinction doesn't seem big to me either way: "Historically, it was seen as a wrong act and not just a sad one. And that's how the collocation* usually goes. Committed a crime." David: "But 'committed' isn't always used that way, anyway." "No, but..." (etc., etc.) *collocation: pair of words that usually go together. Betcha I didn't actually USE that word at the time. Reconstruction license. Not-so-fun fact: depression isn't actually the most deadly mental illness. Eating disorders are. But I don't think it's because they're more common (that seems unlikely). So probably they spur the average person affected with them to greater physical harm. (Big disclaimer: I am not a statistics expert.) 221023 ... e_o_i And, tender_square, reading that made me feel a strong pang of sympathy for your mom at the same time as I disagreed with her conclusion. (Depression, like anxiety, tends to narrow focus, but "selfishness" suggests a greater intentionality than simple self-centeredness.) Whew. Parents tend to evoke contradictory emotions, don't they? And on a more serious level than the floofy face of a pallas_cat. I love my mother, but damn if I don't disagree with a good deal of her deeply held philosophies. 221023 ... tender_square e_o_i, respectfully, you don’t know what happened with my grandfather. what he did *was* intentional and he did it in front of my eight-year old mother. this is not some “deeply held philosophy” my mother holds that i disagree with. but thanks again for spinning my very personal post to suit your own needs. 221024 ... e_o_i I'm so sorry, tender_square! I feel awful for causing you any further pain when you were sharing an already painful memory. I didn't mean to suggest that your relationship with your mother was at all similar to mine, but when I reread what I wrote just now, I can see how my last two paragraphs might have been misread. What happened is that one of the quotes reminded me of issues in my own family relationships (many of them painful, though probably not as traumatic) and my reaction to it reminded me of how I love my own mother but often disagree with her... ...but it still sounds like I was making an absolute statement, which I shouldn't do, because any situation like that will differ from person to person. Gah, I can see how it might have come across as totalizing or as if I was applying A to B. I was trying to offer support but I fucked up. Not on purpose, but I did, and I'm sorry. 221025 ... tender_square i'm sorry for being catty, e_o_i. i do appreciate your apology here for the misunderstanding and your kind email. it's water under the bridge between us; we're good. 221026 what's it to you? who go blather from