i_am_trying_to_atone Death of a Rose For all my past misdeeds, even though I don't consider myself religious. I do this in thoughts and in action, most of the time, It just seems that no matter how much I try to do, I believe I have more to do. Am I crazy for trying to be a more compassionate human? I don't want to believe that, but sometimes I get the feeling I'm delving into realms where I haven't a say but still wander. Is this atonement I seek religious in nature? I don't know, since I seem to facilate between agnostitism and belief. It troubles me deeply, as I experience events that seem unexplainable and yet in the next moment I've rationlized things so that there isn't a higher power. This duality doesn't respect me, towards learning that alchohol (sp?), is killing me. I recently learned I may have diabetes, and I've been ignoring it. Does it matter to others, my family, my friends? I try not to think so, but in reality it does. I'm hurting people I love, as I've hurt them throughout the past misfortunate years I've lived. I've attended the meetings, done the steps, well, 3 of them at least, before I lost whatever will I had to continue. Why am I like this? Why do I rely on strangers on a website to provide me with comfort and solace? I have too many questions and few answers. Should anything happen to me I wish my family and my blather compatriots to just remember me. That's all I ask. A man who did things he shouldn't have, when he penned his thoughts in bad poetry. Please remember me, despite all the mispelled words, despite my failures. . 071219 ... . . 071219 ... Lemon_Soda Granted. So long as I live, someone will remember you. 071220 ... pete of course i will. 071220 ... auburn I have remembered you for four years and counting. (And I care that you're ignoring your diabetes) 071220 ... Doar thank you blather_compratiots. I was a bit embarrassed coming back to this blathe. you know I heart you all. but not in a squishy way. because of the sounds it makes....erm. . 071221 ... shiestygirl does the stolen sperm of a diabetic taste sweeter? 071231 ... Doar You're steaing my sperm? When did this happen? Did I get any enjoyment out of it? Dammit, more questions I don't know the answer to. . 080517 ... past doar.. hugs 080801 ... LEMON SODA RESPONDING CHECK 081110 ... Doar hugs back past, and check back with you later Lemon. . 100318 ... Doar I think I'm done atoning. I'm not good at it. . 161011 what's it to you? who go blather from