birthdays_for_the_terminally_ill Soma what_sadness_is I send no flowers I give no gifts I do not say sorry or even call I am scared to hear you sound old. 110623 ... perfectly_chaotic It is scary to watch someone growing old. When my grandmother was dying she began to look like a skeleton, but I wanted her to look like she did when I was a child; so I mostly stopped visiting her. It was just too hard to feel anything that had anything to do with her at that time. I could not even allow myself to enjoy her company the couple times I did see her over the last couple years of her life. Her memory was falling apart and no longer could she really carry a conversation, but she did appear to simply enjoy my presence. At times she realized something was wrong, but was not sure quite what it was. Other times she thought she was better and would ask us to take her back to her house from the nursing home. I could not see it then, but she mostly seemed to be at peace with what was going on and even laughed about it. Yet, at that time the situation hurt me so badly that I could not see anything beyond the skin wrapping around her skull and resting deeply within her eye sockets. I miss her dearly and probably always will. Part of me wishes I could take it back and do it all over again; so I could visit her more often and spend more time with her. Another part of me knows that, even if that were possible, it would still be so painful that I am not sure that I could do so. I am crying over right now. My tears are not just for myself and my own loss, but for you as well. There is nothing I can do to change your situation, but know there are those out there who care and that I wish to send you love. 110623 what's it to you? who go blather from