when_dreaming_ends icy and now wake up for it was all a dream fading from your consciousness slipping away further and further until even the memory is gone. there will be no encore this time no resurgence of hopeful bliss no second chance this time the spark ignites a tiny flame flares just once but perishes before the indomitable wind 050818 ... icy and for the first time i understand inflicting pain obsessively (cutting/tattooing/branding/whatever) feel firsthand the draw, the magnetism, the pull. inflicting pain elsewhere to deal with pain inside pain that cannot be released replaced by suffering that can (but the suffering fades all too quickly) but if i could rid myself of this pain in any other manner - i would try it - it's worth a shot! (just not the bullet) something physical to bring about the emotional catharsis i need to stay here a little longer. 050905 ... daf The pain can be released. What is required are human beings who care enough to listen to your pain. You will find those here, if you are sincerely looking for a way to release the pain. Look for them on IM, and then purge. Cutting will not heal your pain...only provide temporary relief. I realize that if that's all you have, that is what you will choose. It isn't. You are cared for and taken care of, whether you know it, realize it or not. Take care. Be strong. Seek out the compassionate around you. 050905 ... icy you amaze me - in a good way, by far. and i appreciate your kind words of helping. it helps simply to type, and knowing someone reads and may understand is beyond description. to know there is caring with that understanding floors me. perhaps dreaming can begin again someday. just have to rid myself of this cynicism... 050905 ... icy *hugs* to you, daf 050906 ... birdmad the following things begin: the plaintive meowing of hungry cats the buzzing of the alarm clock the opening of bleary eyes and the stirring of weary bones the morning routines 050906 what's it to you? who go blather from