internal_exhalations misstree it's been good to write tonight... my head has been quite somewhere else, and hopping around on the neglected internet and indulging in freecell and spreading my words on a variety of canvases has helped... a one track mind can rip up quite a rut... and it is rutting that is indeed on the mind... the subject of innards and recant... i put myself in a dangerous position, of "you call me" so that i wouldn't show how much i crave aspects of that interaction... it took near a week... i was convinced that i was blown off... entertained enough to take my mind away from it on sunday night and monday morning, but the arse from iowa has that certain something that pins me every time... it's a force of will... heh... the blathe of aloof might sum it up well... and as a lover... that is a large part of why it's so hard to get him out of my mind... so many encounters, so jaded, so bored... i've become a selfish lover, most of the time, simply because i'm not interested enough for the effort... but not only does he cater to my selfishness, i find myself near desperate to return the pleasure, at least at times, to complete the circuit before i catch entirely on fire. and he is so entirely unique. and he is still learning me, and he is a dangerously fast learner. and he pushes me. but aloof scares me right now. i don't have the brain or heart or soul to spare for that kind of ride right now. no matter how it goes, there's always an aspect of being dragged behind a truck down a gravel road. unfortunately, i'm in love with a city, and i do indeed have the passion for it. and i do so love to howl, pain or delight or hunger or laughter, doesn't matter. and i have a fresh made local companion, fabulous conversation, a fellow book geek... doesn't draw forth the drowning passion, but that's damn nice sometimes, and definitely quite enjoyable company. "where are the feasts we were promised?" grab your fork, there's a time limit on the gorging, and you never know when it will be. chaos_is_like_that. and i lurve it. 050907 what's it to you? who go blather from