depressing_murder_of_love Nirvanic Blind This depression has murdered the love I once felt. I realized this earlier while listening to a song that talked about how much this guy wanted a woman (and how much she wanted him). I want it but its out of my reach. While looking for a jacket at the mall I saw a girl with a denim skirt that looked like it had been cut from the bottom to make it shorter. (It was made like that). Not short enough to make her look like a hoe.....just short enough to be sexy. She was wearing a blouse that accentuated her features. And her hair was straight and curved in at the tips, it was light brown, it showed her pretty face. Before I would've tried to talk to her, but now I could only look and continue walking. This depression has killed all the good feelings I used to feel. It has killed my self esteem. I wish I could feel what I used to feel. I need to be more outgoing again. All I have now is a few pictures to remind me of the person that I used to be. It's not enough. What good is the memory if I can't make myself what I need to be again. I'm not old enough to simply cherish the memories. I still have time to be this again. I just don't know how. I can do nothing but stay trapped in this depressing murder of love. I recieved a call earlier from a female I used to talk to. She asked me if I had someone to spend this valentines day with. I said no and said that it wasn't a real holiday anyway. How depressing to spend it alone. It would be okay if I could love again. But it's all a thing of the past. I can't love again until I better myself. And I can't see anyway out of this depression. I guess I should find someone as fucked as I am to share this with. I'm sure it wont get us very far, but at least it will help for the moment. I'm too fucked to expect anything better right now anyway. 040209 ... . it was a slow_death protracted over many decades 230103 what's it to you? who go blather from