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a chaotic gift to idealism
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the bloody stench, withering away inside
growing ever so stonger outside,
groping my visceral limbs, taunting me with it sinical clowns laugh.
this god damn freakshow has started all over again. it mocks me. it haunts me. it taunts me ever so much with its wonderous lores and fairytell fistfucks of things that could be.
oh such joy. oh such excitement. how gratuitous i will be with this superlative new me that is merely the older version of who i used to be, denied.
yea, great.
some 50 million killed and all i can do is laugh over this fucked state of mind.
oh yes, i will gesture my mournings of love and loss. oh how sweet they will be to reprise my stories of old. those teenie tiny tales of a child who grew up 20 years before he was grown up. some pathetic soul you are. it took the loss of your emotions to finally become a man, only to fall backward into rusty nails, clenching your lockjaw to a world you once knew, becoming the child you once were, wide open and free for the world to stab at with it's lustful legends of love.
yea... you Jonathan, are truely one of natures pathetic beings.
poor baby. now you want to run and hide? why?, to become the man you once never were. hidden away in your sickly little cave with your woeful cries of how you love her so much, how you always have and you will until you die.
so be it.
you are so sick of running arent you? the day to day excercise of ones mind. keeping itself fit and strong so that it may avoid the contentious motives of who you love.
this is not going to be you. you will grow past the child, past the man. you once grew old before you were adolescent. now it is time to to open up and accept what may happen. yo uknow you cant hide when the shit hits the fan. time to bear your arms and accept what fate has to offer. fate can be just. fate can be cruel. either way, it is what you will now accept.
it always was worth the risk... nothing has changed about that. only the fact that you wil accept fates dealings has changed.
so be it.
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050623
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