being_without jane i can deal with going to bed by myself. sometimes i would when he was around anyway... he would want to stay up late playing video_games or watching tv. sometimes... walking around. grocery shopping. random times. "other." it just hits me, that i am alone. and not just for the moment. i'll go home to an empty house, and talk to the dog. i don't get to see his face at the end of the day. all that's left is a quiet phone conversation. nothing i can tell him is really tangible. i'm almost sure he understands, almost. but in the morning... there is something about arising from unconsciousness and reaching out toward the empty half of the bed that is just so... lonely. bordering on frightening. like the suspenseful part of a horror movie. but nothing seems to happen. i'm just left with this blinding morning light. and silence. and i have to take a deep breath, and face the day on my own. 081027 ... Lemon_Soda http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html 081027 ... Traveller I am sorry to hear of your pain. 081028 ... critique Gawd, L_S, you sure enjoy pasting those links all over town. 081028 ... j {it was a beautiful link, LS. thank_you} 081028 ... j {& Traveller, don't think i don't know who you are. i'm sending my love your way.} 081028 ... Traveller J, You have always known who I am, as i discovered you, i discoverd my life. i still breathe. 081028 ... Lemon_Soda Once ignored, twice appreciated. I am vindicated. 081029 ... Lemon_Soda Oh, and critique! I LOVE YOU! 081029 ... unhinged i wish i could tell you waking_up_alone gets easier but unless you are waking up with the right someone waking_up_with_someone isn't really all that great either i've come to find and even though i don't seem buddhist to him because i haven't shaved my head and got myself off to a nunnery there are things i have learned to go_without and_sometimes deprivation is a good thing 081029 ... LEMON SODA RESPONDING CHECK 081110 ... Doar my brother...give me a call.. contact me at the addy. . 100826 ... dxl I love nothing more than waking up alone these days, each family member in their own room, tucked in their own bed, only waking themselves with their thrashing. It's not really the same sort of empty bed, though. If I wanted a snuggle I could always go to the next room and pick some up. 100826 what's it to you? who go blather from