Soma I'm so scared that I'm going crazy
I'm so scared that I'm going to lose touch with reality.
Staring down at the little white cup and the two pills on the counter, I wonder how much longer it will be until I'm lying on the sofa with twenty little pills sitting mournfully next to me. My knees are weak, and everything seems to small. Its like i grazed against the infinite and realized we're all just backwash swirling down the drain of infinity. Nightime is too empty and the panic is setting in. I'm crying and I dont even know why. Spiraling out of control, just another amoeba in that swirl. You're sitting there and I feel the frustration and the resentment coming out of you, growing between us like a tumor or a baby or a thorny tree. This panic, this anxiety, this fear of everything is wearing down on me.
I so badly want to be ok.
I am so scared of having to take these pills.
And if I take them... then I'm not ok.
I just want to be okay...
Jurisprudence I have been turned out by these little pills
My hours and intent at their mercy
When mixed with you, I'm in a fog of insecurity and that's a shame
A helpless and insignificant lump, that's what I become as the bastard pill takes you down, takes you out of my reach
You don't see me or feel me

What's the point if I gave you deeper words
Who is it that will hear them anyway- will it be who I think is you or the smirking crashing numb other?
I'll save my voice and hide it here
For now

I'll pretend awhile longer that you don't prefer slopping off into unconsciousness to being awake and present with me
I'll pretend you really do want my kisses
I'll pretend that you really do want to be okay
what's it to you?
who go