most people don't ask and i don't offer anymore. even though i thought i could use, or that i needed support, the fact of the matter is, kids that have special needs and ailments that don't resolve just plain make people uncomfortable. but in reality, they should all take a listen and learn.

i did exactly that this afternoon when a friend told me had found out last week that his mother had just a few months to live. he didn't shed a tear as he spoke, and there was no grief in his eyes, not even a telltale quiver of the lip. and i know this guy loves his mom to the moon and back.

so i asked him point blank how he was handling it so well.

and he said he was looking only at the outcome (which one would think was her death, right?)

not so. the outcome is that she had lived 82 years, and she had seen his son graduate valedictorian last week. she had seen his oldest daughter attend the prom, and she had seen his youngest graduate kindergarten. she had been happily married, seen her children become successes, and had lived a long, joyful, pain-free life. that is the outcome.

then in the next breath, he told me he was even more glad that his mom will never know that his marriage is falling apart at the seams. he is pleased that she will pass on with the perceived knowledge that her children and grandchildren will be okay in her absence.

whether or not that will be the case is irrelevant because it's all about the outcome. HER outcome.

it put some things into perspective for me for sure. nine surgeries in two years for a child is an inconvenience for him, for me, for our family. it is a constant worry. the never ending battle of the returning monster that wants to inhabit his body. but the reality is, my worry matters not. our inconvenience doesn't count. it also is quite okay that people want to stay away, maintain their distance. because, it is all about the outcome. HIS outcome. if it takes a hundred surgeries to get to the right spot, then so be it. it is about him, not me, not you and not us.

if it's_working for him it can work for me.

what's it to you?
who go