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who i am doesnt matter anymore
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i cant take this anymore, these thoughts inside my head. they show up too offten and i have no way to make them stop wondering, asking and thinking.
it drives me insane to think i have no way of talking to you. but yet i still wear my fucking shoes that i wrote on and still say i 3 ***** you run through my head at the oddest times. a ray of pain stings through my body. too many emotions, and the love for you being the one that wins. and i havnt thought about u in that way ever since our last conversation. im sure in this time youve changed and im sure theres a chance we arent compatible at all anymore, but my memory still craves the way we were. IDIOTS is what we were. we never thought anything through, our converstaions and letters that i remember could make me gag over and over again. what were we doing? i see now i was a bitch. man i was harsh. but did that give you any right to just drift away? im so pissed at you for that. i was there for you ALL THE TIME i tried so hard to help you through all your shit, from miles and miles away. and then i need somthing, time to figure myself out....and you couldnt give me that? i still wanted u in my life. i still wanted to think there might be a chance in the future when we could actually be together. but u dropped it like it wasnt even funny. and it still hurts me to this day. but yet late at nite i wish you where here, i wonder what your doing, and if we did have some form of contact...if you would be making me laugh and smile the way you always did.
i still wish everyday that you would atleast get online and we could talk like nothing happend, and just catch up. i still wonder what it would be like to spend time with you. even if weve both grown too differently because of the time and shit weve gone threw.
you drive me insane, and i wish i knew if it was for the good or the bad.
but this question will never be answerd. JERK FACE. sorry :)
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041030
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