you_make_me_want_to_cry no reason but feeling the burn of the vodka as it slides smoothly down my throat temporarily numbs the burning under my eyelids as the tears smoothly slide down my cheeks and neck and clothes i don't even care anymore. 030129 ... god and i don't like to feel that way 030130 ... Syrope but you know i can't...i haven't cried since before christmas, and even that cry was bitter and out of frustration...i felt like an old man trying to pass a kidney stone...the build up of heat and sorrow behind my eyes could not produce more than a tiny trickle of sticky tears, that left more residue than they dropped onto my hands. if i could, i would ask you the questions that i know could bring more tears, but i don't want to know the answers...i want to cry, not to fall back into the throes of deepest depression... 030131 ... niska thank you so much for helping me get that out of the way. 030302 ... invisible believer because i care about you but don't know how to help you. 040218 ... Syrope but this time it's not a bad thing or maybe it is because you've supposedly found someone else but that doesn't even bother me i want to move into your room and sit and watch you, because i've never thought of a guy as beautiful before. and that you let me touch, and press my lips against, and unabashedly stare...well it brings tears to my eyes. i don't feel about you -now- how i felt about you this morning. 040218 ... anne-girl when I'm around him and other people I'm nearly deliriously happy and when we're standing silently on the bus I want to cry because I hate myself so effing much for being stupid around him and I'm sarcastic and bitchy and then hate myself even more... pushing him away repeat the mantra: he doesn't care, he doesn't care, he will never care, just_friends, don't smile at me like that (yet another entry in the blather_angst_machine) 040911 ... Syrope maybe it was the bathtub or roy orbison 040911 ... somebody sab 040912 ... somebody makes 040912 ... somebody me 040912 ... somebody cry 040912 ... daxle a decade of memories, not a photo album but 300 cd's gone gone gone 040912 ... daxle it makes my heart hurt things are just things but music is everything 040912 what's it to you? who go blather from