nik unhinged i just ran down the sidewalk and stared at your house. the outside light was on and it was shining on all the cars in the driveway. i was still three houses up. i wanted to run to your front door and pound on it until everyone in the house woke up. i wanted to hug you. i wanted to say goodbye. i remember when you moved here years ago. sitting outside before there was a house next door around the campfire looking at the stars. i remember riding the bus to school with you. i remember how you always used to walk by my ap english room door on your way to lunch and would stop to say hello. i called you my freshman puppy dog then. i remember when i snuck up behind you at musical rehearsal and put my hands over your eyes so that my body was conspicuously close to yours and everyone was staring at us while they pretended not to. i remember sitting in the basement with you cuddled while your little brother stuck his hands up my shirt with some pretty sly excuses for a three year old and you just laughed. i remember how much i hated adrian. i remember how you tackled me in the snow and we came so close to kissing that my brother had to tackle the both of us so that we would be a smooshed barely breathing mass in the snow. i wrote my first love poem for you. and you stopped talking to me only to tell me months later that you really did love me. you were the love of my childhood. i always thought you were going to be right down the street. now you are moving to las vegas. and i wish that i could talk to you before you go. but all i could do was stare at your porch light. all i could do was think that that would be the last time i would know where you were. 010809 what's it to you? who go blather from