farmfish i could be
what i'm supposed to be
if i could just imagine it
instead of making the mistakes it takes to learn who i am.
living is dangerous,
always the possibility
of making a fucking ass out of myself.
. . 050305
no reason until you can't pretend anymore and you spontaneously shatter

oh, blather
shivers i dont mean half of what i say here. but im not pretending.
i write it so i dont have to feel guilty or bad everytime i think it. those little dumb blurbs that pop into your head despite how hard u try to stop them.
im sure u've all read those books as a kid where they write down all the mean bad things they feel and throw it in a shoebox and bury it deep. its like that.
i'll tell you all the horrible things i've been through if u really want to know. dont feel that im hiding things because i no longer see them as important. dont think that im mad at you for wanting to know more about me.
stork daddy oh but i pretend some threatening things. 050308
dandy its a safe anonymous outlet to get those loose thoughts that don't fit into any conversation. unexpressed they are sand in the sandal, shake it out, baby. 050308
phil don't do what you shouldn't
so of course I do that all the time
other people stop me of course
but every so often I run into other people and we just keep running and falling tumbling into one another
unhinged step_out_the_front_door_like_a_ghost

'i need to get high
before i go outside'
- placebo
dreamer you can pretend but you cannott hide
you can pretend but you will be numbed
pSyche shut your eyes
hold your breath
and whisper to yourself
"they'renotreal, they'renotreal"
and realize
that you are safe
but they are very very real
monika I can lie but I don't pretend
I'll tell you the truth if you ask it of me

But first, tell me your truth
Tell me who you are

Maybe you can help me find who I am
what's it to you?
who go