wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee realistic optimist 3 beers and barely more than half a hit of mediocre marijuana later, and i am feeling and therefore more functionally and experientially living the way i envision that i want to be in order to both be who i want to and think i should be, and do the things i feel are natural behaviors if i am likely to later be the person i'd like to become while realizing that it's nothing more than a polaroid from which i can better remember and therefore ascertain what needs to be order for my place to be my desired one when things become. taboo? nothing more than a temptation which has the power to sweep me away from the truth unveiled, but which has more of a ring of truth, and which yields the most of such sweet nectar filled meat upon the ending of such a periodic abstenance as i have recently imposed upon myself, the full reasons for which, lie mostly in my subconsious, and somewhat intentionaly so. even this journaling is a momentary step away, indicating my distance from a perpetual reenactment and living of the ideas contained herein, for it is removed from the present, from being of such pure energy in my reincarnation that i could not speak of it in words, but in action alone. 040110 ... nomatter we seem to be in the same boat. 040113 ... realistic optimist here, grab this oar 040113 ... shivers nothing more than a temptation which has the power to sweep me away from the truth unveiled... loves that line.. 040113 ... rewritistic optimist 3 beers and barely more than half a hit of mediocre marijuana later, and i am feeling and therefore more functionally and experientially living the way i envision that i want to be in order to both be who i want to and think i should be, and do the things i feel are natural behaviors if i am likely to later be the person i'd like to become while realizing that it's nothing more than a polaroid from which i can better remember and therefore ascertain what needs to be in order for my place to be my desired one when things become. tasting the intoxicants touching my toes smelling the death right in front of my nose seeing the place that this carnival goes, this cacophonentic reality i chose brings me, myself and i to blows having frozen myself in that god-awful pose impaling myself on the thorns of the rose instead of marching the path along which my dream goes taboo? nothing more than a temptation which has the power to sweep me away from the truth unveiled, but which has more of a ring of truth, and which yields the most of such sweet nectar filled meat upon the ending of such a periodic abstenance as i have recently imposed upon myself, the full reasons for which lie mostly in my subconsious, and somewhat intentionally so. tasting the intoxicants touching my toes smelling the death right in front of my nose seeing the place that this carnival goes, this cacophonentic reality i chose brings me, myself and i to blows having frozen myself in that god-awful pose impaling myself on the thorns of the rose instead of marching the path along which my dream goes even this journaling is a momentary step away, indicating my distance from a perpetual reenactment and living of the ideas contained herein, for it is removed from the present, from being of such pure energy in my reincarnation that i could not speak of it in words, but in action alone tasting the intoxicants touching my toes smelling the death right in front of my nose seeing the place that this carnival goes, this cacophonentic reality i chose brings me, myself and i to blows having frozen myself in that god-awful pose impaling myself on the thorns of the rose instead of marching the path along which my dream goes and yet maintaining the mindset required for such action does not seem possible given the current patterns of my thoughts which lead to the current patterns in my behaviour. therefore a goal of these periods of debauchery, above and beyond the immediate enjoyment of the experience of course, is to realign myself with my notions of right so that when i am back in the muckety muck of the daily strife of life, i will be more likely to act in ways congruent with this new paradigm i have placed myself into. i can do this. i CAN do this. 040115 ... oE you GO boy... 040115 ... oldephebe wait that came out wrong..how 'bout something less derivative of flourescent strobes and blaring house music and garish garlands strewn about the neck..and ah.. very well rendered RO..i'm feelin' you yeah that's it.. 040115 ... realistic optimist i was wondering whose toes those were under the dinner table! oE you naughty skite! well let's save the footsey for some other day, i'd rather play wordsey! (thanks btw ;p) 040130 ... Death of a Rose :-) 040131 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from