vanish_into_obscurity unhinged living itself is rather self_indulgent don't you think? no designs for greatness just minimum wage in a town of strangers nothing artistic or grand just walking down the street making my way on my worn out little path day after day the routine of monotony a dulling comfort living meagerly miserly miserably simply without any of it but my worn down path where i wouldn't feel the need to impress them touch them love them make them laugh grudge them their little happinesses simply with no beauty except that it is empty easy damn it dad. i don't want to strive for greatness. i just want to reduce living to the lowest common denominator. that's all. sleeping, working, eating, sleeping. that's all. 040306 ... doar . 040312 ... egger is moved. 040312 ... sameolme don't forget to shit 040312 ... no reason vanish from obscurity? 040312 ... oldephebe I was supposed to become this great civil rights lawyer...that's what my mom had tried to groom me for or at least inculcate through a course of rigorously enforced discipline and castigation. Here's your broad brush now paint them all the same color. Then I was supposed to become this great saxophonist, and head up my own quintet and live as an expatriot in france somewhere. Then I was supposed to become an operetic tenor, then a trail lawyer, then a corporate cog, souless, merciless hoaring myself out to the needs of the profit margin imperative. blech anyone know of any decent monastaries for laymen? ... 050322 ... ol dirty birdmad well, i don't know if it helps, but in my case, i can tell you that had it not been for some accomplices passiing through town after they'd spent St. Pat's day in Vegas and the various substances they brought with them, home itself was becoming quite the monastic experience. this weekend was quite possibly the perfect cure for the malaise that was the byproduct of seven and a half years of wasted emotional investments 050322 ... pSyche just fade into the background become another flower on the garish wallpaper of life and don't show your face because you're too scared to be different sink into the floor a grey puddle beneath my feet and remain unknown vanish just like everyone else 050322 ... oldephebe Hmmm...I like the imagery. See.. I AM different and I am neither afraid or NOT afraid to be so. I mean I just AM different and I know of no other way to be. Soooo... I guess the thing is just that... yeah more of my marathon martydom... b-b-b-b-b-----BRAK!!!! 050326 what's it to you? who go blather from