i_faltered tortuous i'm worried, i slipped back and i'm thinking again, felt so right to sit in the corner of that dark empty room... i hate it, i hate the pain... its so small and i can barely feel it but it drives me nuts. i hate pain. my face twisted into anguish as the blood spills out... why do i do it? because i can feel it, it lets me know i'm still alive. it brings my pain to the surface so i can see it, embrace it without constraint. a clearer picture of myself. god why do i need to do this? am i just that fucked up? i hate myself, now i'm a hypocrite. i've told you that i didn't like it and now i do this. I must be awful, rotten. i fell off the edge again. 030902 ... misstree everyone stumbles. everyone falls. it lets you get to know the rocks and the lichen and the contours of the ground better; life is much, much more than treetops. don't let self-doubt and the bruised pride of a strong soul add to your pain; the past up to this point has progressed as it needed to. this moment and the incoming sea of possibilities are all that exist. 030902 ... unhinged should i kick her when she's down? a year and a half fucking later the apology comes....and she's right. it doesn't mean all that much to me now. cause it's too goddamn late. so she can sit there and cry all she wants...but a tiny small part of me still feels bad. heart_pang 030902 ... silentscream For a moment i thought your words were mine. But no pain at all, that's the worst. When in pain, at least you feel something and you are alive, physically and mentally. Definitely not healthy though. 040313 what's it to you? who go blather from