re_examined unhinged it's weird how much i've forgiven you, how many times i've let you back in. maybe that's why i'm so resistant to forgiving them. in general, once patterns are established it's hard to change them. human beings can be blind, ignorant, delusional. if you can't understand why i'm upset, i don't have the patience to sit there til you catch on. but with you, i think it's...mmmmm, i don't even really know. i've never been able to cut through the bullshit with you. one thing is clear, you don't respect me. at all. maybe you don't know how, but that's not really a valid excuse. i am done tolerating excuses for shitty behavior. things are horrible all over, not just with you, not just in your relationship. i can't deal with your shit right now. i can barely deal with my own. you both need a therapist, individually and as a couple. because i am quiet in person, people assume that i don't have feelings. i guess my silence makes them easier to ignore. or, people don't know how you feel unless you tell them. it usually comes as a surprise, especially to boys i am dating/fucking, when i am angry, hurt, upset. i don't fight. i don't kick and scream. i am more like a turtle; i retreat. after all these years, i still can't communicate. i think that might be one of the things that makes me saddest of all. 130702 ... unhinged courage to let_it_all_go has increased in recent years i still love you but i do not subject myself to the merry go round that was us. part of my heart still reaches for you everyday. but i do not indulge that because i know it will only cause more suffering. i have always been bad at dating. i am not casual with my heart. the more time that passes, my intellect knows you were not right for me. but my heart still reaches for you; i still crave the stability that we had. or what felt like stability to me. i send you love. it is not returned. my heart stays empty. 150331 what's it to you? who go blather from