hidden_wealth grendel someone once had the nerve to proclaim that the source of my misery was my inability to recount a happy memory. quite the opposite, actually. it's the memory of the happy moments that tears at me from within and feeds this melancholy. childhood summers spent playing in the backyard with little green plastic toy soldiers. Bicycles and movie theaters and cats and dogs. The mulberry tree. The birth of each of my neices and nephews. My first day of highschool. My first crush. The first time i really fell in love (my best friend Lisa...on a long bus ride back from halfway across the state, she fell asleep with her hand on mine and her head on my shoulder) Sleeping with someone for the first time (no, it wan't Lisa - though i still wish it had been.) and every time after that. Getting really high and laughing for hours. The view of the grand canyon. Childhood flashback to a night spent watching a lunar eclipse with my dad on a warm summer night. Trips to disneyland. Trying to teach Brenda how to use chopsticks and the laugh we each got at each other's expense...i laughed at how frustrated she was getting with the sticks and she laughed at my reaction to trying the wasabi for the first time. Tania and the rainy afternoon on the balcony of her apartment Tiffiney and her smile and the view of the descending sun through the mist from the Golden Gate ferry just as we passed beneath the span of the bridge. Sitting stoned on a hilltop overlooking the desert on one side and the city on the other with Samantha talking about nothing in particular until sunrise. Watching her sleep as the sunlight cut in through the window making the tumble of her hair light up like a halo in a renaissance painting. The first and only time i ever quit a job on general principle. Meeting Katrina for the first time. seeing her dressed up for a night out at a club run by a mutual friend where i was working as a bouncer and the break in my stony faced concentration to return that infectious smile of hers watching her reaction to the food i cooked for an office function, and again later wehn i cooked something just for her. 001218 what's it to you? who go blather from